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A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: Ready for the #IAmAnIdiot Challenge?

This is the next level after Kiki. Just trust me.

columns Updated: Aug 11, 2018 15:50 IST
Sonal Kalra
Sonal Kalra
Hindustan Times
A Calmer You,Sonal Kalra,A Calmer You by Sonal Kalra
Stray dogs in Indian streets have been acing the Kiki challenge for years now — with every car that comes their way. Even our very own species has indulged in it long before Shiggy or whoever thought of it.(@missionlaughter)

My uncle Einstein used to say, “There are only two things infinite — the universe, and human stupidity.” I have a feeling he knew about the Kiki challenge 70 years ago. See, there are fewer concrete proofs of collective human stupidity than a spectacularly dimwitted display of people jumping out of moving vehicles and dancing alongside them. Matlab, yeh hui nah baat…yeh level hi kuchh aur hai. How else will we unite the world? Of course, by behaving like idiots, irrespective of the differences in race, colour or caste. And that’s exactly what the world is doing right now, via Drake’s lyrics: “Kiki, do you love me”.

And those who have taken sanyas from news and are current affairs-challenged must know that bechare Drake ka koi fault bhi nahi thaa. The Canadian rapper sang a perfectly okay song, In My Feelings, but then web comedian Shiggy posted a video dancing to it outside a moving vehicle with its passenger door open, and thus was born the idiocy called the #KikiChallenge. And then everyone started adding their personalised, limited edition stupidity to it and making different versions of it. There is one where a classical dancer is trying to match her moves to the pace of the moving car; there is a woman in blue salwar kameez flaunting shades and adding her valuable contribution to the lunacy.

Then there are these three young guys in Mumbai who decided to do Kiki with a moving train, and landed up in jail. The others must have landed up in manholes or hospitals. And for what? The thrill of taking up a challenge? Bhai, wah! It’s like that joke I read — Boy 1: “Jump off the cliff” Boy 2: “No way!” Boy 1: “#JumpOffTheCliffChallenge” Boy 2: Jumps.

Well, this is what we’ve come down to, people. Utter nonsense is being doled out, and well, received, in the name of thrills. This challenge is crazy in particular because of the risks involved. You could seriously harm yourself while trying to get out of a moving vehicle and focusing on making silly moves for the camera while moving with it. You could also harm others in the process. And frankly, what’s the achievement in being able to do it? Stray dogs in Indian streets have been acing the Kiki challenge for years now — with every car that comes their way. Even our very own species has indulged in it long before Shiggy or whoever thought of it. Remember the song Jaanu Meri Jaan from the 1980 Bollywood film Shaan, where Amitabh Bachchan and Shashi Kapoor successfully did the challenge with a moving bus, except in the safety of shooting sets.

Achha, let’s go back to the black-and-white era. Kishore Kumar took up the challenge in Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi in 1958. Just that he didn’t know that it was a challenge with a hashtag. He also didn’t know that a few generations later, some firang guy would convince the whole world to feel a sense of elation in doing it. AND he didn’t know that a lot of them would get into big trouble for it.

Because here’s the thing. The police departments of several countries, including those of four Indian states, have — hold your breath — issued formal warnings against anyone trying the Kiki Challenge (kill me, please). The three young men caught doing it with the Mumbai local train have been convicted by the court and asked to do community service for three days at the same station where they were embarrassingly caught making imaginary hearts with their hands. Matlab too much ho gaya hai and the cops are getting involved. It’s clearly not just maha stupid, but also maha risky. So here’s the thing: * If you want thrills in life, there are safer ways. * If you want likes on social media, there are some beautiful, stupid, but non-risky ways. * If you’re keen on getting arrested, there are several ways of doing so that will not involve the cops arresting you and laughing at you at the same time. Contact the nearby police station for more info on this.

Just grow up, please. No, wait. #GrowUpChallenge. There.

Sonal Kalra asked Chaddha Ji to take the Kiki challenge. He said he takes it everyday because Kiki is Mrs Chadhha’s nickname. Damn. Mail her at sonal.kalra@hindustantimes.com or facebook.com/sonalkalraOfficial. Follow on Twitter @sonalkalra

First Published: Aug 11, 2018 15:49 IST