Write in at your own peril

Have a boyfriend with a glad-eye? A colleague minus manners? A marriage struck by lightning?

I have a major crush on a guy who doesn’t talk to me when his friends are around. I think he likes me but I don’t have the courage to ask him personally. Please help.

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Confused Cutegal, via email

You’re both each more delusional than the other. Which does not make it a perfect match, lest you interpret answers to suit your adolescent fancies. Why would you waste time on one underconfident jerk who refuses to talk to you when his friends are around? Does he also slink about in corridors and cover his mouth when he giggles? You may as well start concentrating on your studies, as they say, because this one has ‘Loser’ written all over him.

My hot neighbour parks his car in front of my driveway and I have to ring his doorbell every morning to ask him to move it. He answers wearing only a towel. Should I feel irritated or plain lucky.

Pallavi Singh, via email

Lucky, definitely. Considering the rest of us have to contend with mongrels dancing menacingly about our cars while we reverse, you better feel blessed at the sight of early morning booty! It’s the next best thing to suryanamaskar and at least gives you a fantasy till you pull into your parking spot at work.

My parents made me break up with my boyfriend. I tried to contact him but he’s in Indore and doesn’t want to talk. I am on anti-depressants and seeing a psychiatrist but nothing helps.

Ajita Deshpande, via email

My heart bleeds for you. But popping anti-depressants because a small-towner won’t take your calls is pathetic. Thank your parents for showing you the light, rev up your social life, meet new boys, and before you know it, pricey little Indore man will be long-forgotten.