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Cyrus Broacha says less is not always more!

Are you single? Straight? Or may be not? Funny man Cyrus suggests you to maintain your sexual preference and keep looking for the right one!! Read on as he solves love queries...

entertainment Updated: Jan 12, 2012 14:16 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times

Are you single? straight? Or may be not? Funny man Cyrus suggests you to maintain your sexual preference and keep looking for the right one!! Read on as he solves love queries.

I am an 18-year-old lesbian and I love a girl who is younger than me. I don’t know her and when I look at her, I’m scared. I can’t stop thinking about her. How do I ask her out? Please help.

Gargi M

Although I’ve never really been a lesbian, I’m told off the record that lezz is more.. Now Gargi, you’re 18 years old, she’s much less. So in this case, I’ll have to say less is not more. In fact less is less, if you get my drift. So please continue with your sexual preference, but don’t prey on post-pubescent teenagers. That’s both illegal, and I dare say, immoral. If you are both 14, it’s one thing, but that’s not the case. Now remember whether you are straight or gay courtships remain the same. I hope I've answered more or lezz.<b1>

I had a crush on a girl from my school when I was 12, but we never interacted. Now after seven-years, we became friends on Facebook and exchanged numbers. Though I’ve never met her, she knows I like her. I have chatted with her about almost everything. She says she needs time. I don’t have to chat with her anymore and I guess I’ll break the friendship. What should I do?


Jackson, I’m totally confused. I think I need to write to you to clarify your query. You liked her when you were 12. Seven years later, you connected on Facebook. She knows you still like her, but she needs time, so you want to break the friendship? Your question is worse than Michael Jackson’s sexuality. I just can’t understand it. Do you want her or do you want to get rid of her? If you want both these possibilities simultaneously, then you are suffering from ‘marrygitis’, a condition that men suffer from after two years of marriage. If you want to disengage from her, remove her from your Facebook circle. Otherwise, I see only medication as an answer.

I had a crush on a friend. He showed interest in me too, and would always be with me. As time passed we became good friends. A week ago, he said he was committed to a girl and wanted me to meet her. I refused. But the fact is, I was afraid of losing him and started maintaining some distance from him. His girlfriend told me that he keeps talking about me all the time, which is making her insecure. She even thinks I am stealing her boyfriend. I actually miss him and think about him all the time. I think I have lost everything. Should I continue my friendship with him or forget him and move on? What should I do?

Shiya Kapoor

Have you heard of Candid B? It’s an ointment that deals with severe itching around the groin area (better administered by oneself of course). Just like the name suggests, your problem is simple. You need to be candid like the ointment. Now please try this. I don’t mean apply yourself or your friend’s groin, not yet at least! I simply mean open up and have a candid conversation with your pal, before he does something that will adversely affect three people.

I am 16 and was in a relationship for the first time. But my parents came to know about it and scolded me. So I stopped contacting him, as my parents are more important to me. Now my parents don't trust me. How can I regain their trust? Also, I like that guy a lot. How can I control my emotions? Please help.

Ms Sad…

Ms Sad,

Is may kya badee baat hai

? (What’s the big deal?). Teenagers all over the world have relationships. Just keep them a bit quiet and make sure your legal or at least semi-legal team be pleased. Please tell everyone it’s preparations for the road ahead. And for God’s sake, if your parents are conservative, keep them away from your love life. Your life is like a TV. Use the different channels and never ever mix them. Now I need a drink because I’m sick of preaching...

First Published: Jan 05, 2012 11:38 IST