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I can’t read minds

Seriously Cyrus
Hindustan Times | By Cyrus Broacha, Mumbai
UPDATED ON MAR 10, 2012 04:03 PM IST

I am 18 and have a crush on a 25-year-old girl. Last week we had a fight on the phone and she said she would never talk to me again. I love her a lot and I am depressed. I cannot even concentrate on my studies. What should I do?
Aditya Yadav

Please understand that I too have my limitations. I can hold my breath underwater for 60 seconds. And I can do a one-and-a-half pull up. But other than that there is not much I can do. I certainly can’t read minds. To answer your query, I’ll need to read your girlfriend’s mind. My gut feeling is that she’s a little angry. Cool off for a while and then try to resume basic communications. As for studies what makes you so special? You think nobody else fell in love at the same time as they were studying? Life is not just about winning. If you don't believe me, ask our cricket team, a Mayawati or the BJP.

I am in a relationship with a guy who was my classmate. Before I started dating him, we would meet a lot, hold hands and have those perfect romantic moments. But now, we meet without holding hands or hugging. He says he’s scared that his parents may find out about our relationship. I told him it was a lame excuse, as I have always believed in his motto ‘lovers and parents are two different channels on the TV called life.’ I really love this guy. I just want things to be as they were before. Is there any other option other than breaking up?
Your disciple

My disciple please have the decency not to drag the TV into this. TV gets enough bad press as it is. Your ‘boyfriend’ is what we locals call a ‘lalloo’! He’s a hollow and cowardly fellow. While these are perfectly acceptable traits in a married man, one expects more from a ‘newbie.’ If he doesn't want to accept you in public, don’t expect much difference in private. Get off this train quickly, while you can. My wife didn't and look how she's suffering.

I have a crush on a girl from my class. We often stare at each other. The problem is that before I could propose, I had already asked out two other girls. But none of the affairs worked out. Coming back to the present girl, whenever I try to approach her for a date, I freak out, especially when she is with her friends. I just cannot approach her. Please help.
Mr. In A Dilema

So the fact of the matter is your score is presently 0-2. You tried twice and failed twice. Obviously you have a confidence crisis and are scared it’ll soon read 0-3. In pure cricketing terms, you’re the Zimbabwe of lovers at the moment. The old Soothsayer Saiegmus said (just before the Greeks hung him by his toes), ‘A glass of wine is not gulped but sipped.’ Even though Saiegmus was a teetotaler, he was absolutely bang on. Why are you jumping dates? First just establish a little consistent contact. Sip, sip, sip, don’t gulp.

I am 19 and in a relationship with a Marathi guy for more than a year. He is six months younger than me. Recently my parents got to know about our relationship. Now they want me to forget him, because we come from different regions. Please give me a solution.

Soul -break it’s time for ‘mandolee,’ give and take or compromise. Marathi or Gujarati is irrelevant (unless you don’t like the cousin). What you need to do is find a middle point for all parties. It’s like a Hurriyat conferenc. Bring them to the table and find some middle ground. Why take sides and get emotional. Be pragmatic and do a ‘mandolee.’ There always is a middle ground.

Just write to uncle cy:
And I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

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