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Till fights do us apart...

Love and affection test: Lock your pet dog in one room and your spouse in the other. After an hour, open the door and check who is happier to see you!!

entertainment Updated: Dec 25, 2011 01:08 IST
Sonal Kalra
Sonal Kalra
Hindustan Times

Yeh joke thaa. Don’t look so shocked. Now I can’t even crack a silly joke in my last column? I meant the last column of this year. Hello, all you already-high people.

The year’s ending, you are in a party mood and here I am, talking about stress and tension, that too between couples. Well, what to do, that’s the topic for today. And mind you, I don’t mean only those poor souls who have taken the saat pheras… as in I am not referring only to those who’ve been convicted for life by the mantras but all those who are in the bliss of a steady relationship.

Why the hell do couples fight… that’s the tension-topic of the week.

The same guy or girl who you can’t live without, who is the sole reason why you could become a valid shareholder of Airtel since you were single-handedly responsible for eighty per cent of their gross income vide your all-night-long lovey-dovey phone calls, the same person for whom you were willing to fight with your parents and the whole world a la Mughle Azam….. suddenly that very person becomes the one you fight cats and dogs with. You start to yearn for time with friends, away from him or her.

If in the beginning of a relationship, you spent sleepless nights because you wanted her, now you spend sleepless night because you want her… to go to hell.

Although we’ve discussed this topic previously in the column, I still fail to get my head around why it happens, with almost everyone.

I’m saying forget about all the scientific research being done on the evolution of the universe… someone please do research on why the same person we could kill for, becomes the person we could kill, not long after he or she becomes a part of our life.

In the little time I have spent on this earth (just my way of emphasizing that I’m actually younger than you think), I’ve come across a countless number of couples, married or otherwise, which pretend to be all happy when they are in public.

Take them aside, down two drinks and they would tell you how deeply dissatisfied they are, because of the constant arguments or fights they have. And the feeling is mutual, no matter which gender you are talking to.

It seems as if no one is perfectly happy with their relationship. Not that it ever stops others from getting into them. Try telling a friend to think twice before committing and he/she turns around and says, khud toh kar liya.

Ab humein rokte ho. Fine. Jao karo...aur maro. Anyway, jokes apart, I don’t mean to sound cynical though that’s exactly what I’ve managed to do with all the depressing arguments above.

The simple point is, it’s an unfortunate reality of life that although two individuals come together because of similarities, all that they start focusing on once they commit, are differences. But wait, the situation is not hopeless yet.

I thought this New Year, why not chuck the age-old resolution of losing weight. Woh hota toh hai nahi. Why not resolve instead to taking a concrete step forward in improving your love life. No, I didn’t ask you to rush and get Shaktivardhak capsules.

If you are in a relationship and suffer from ‘argumentiasis’, these are the four things I want you to pledge, to attain calmness. If it helps, send me money.

Pledge 1: I will not demand, or expect to be appreciated till I appreciate the other:

It’s a simple rule in life. Give and take. Sadly, in the comfort zone of a committed relationship, we often forget the give part. Try to remember the last time you had expressed appreciation for something your partner had done. And I mean ‘expressed’, in so many words. Don’t just say ‘it’s understood’, because sometimes it’s not.

Think of your partner as a fool who wouldn’t understand till he/she is told that they are valued. They’ll love you for it. Just don’t tell them that I asked you to think of them as fools. Vaise maybe, they are indeed foolish. I mean, look at yourself. They chose you. (sorry for the PJ, just felt like it. Last column, remember?)

Pledge 2: I will make my relationship my biggest priority:

I know you are thinking I’m stating obvious things. That, my dear, is all that I do every week. You’d be surprised how many still don’t follow it. We all know the theory behind how important it is to give importance to our relationship. A lot of us fail miserably when it comes to the practicals.

Till the time you are desperate to get someone to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, they remain the center of your universe. The moment they are settled into your life, your attention veers towards other things and you start taking them for granted.

Re-align your priorities, my friend, before it’s too late. Your boss will not come to comfort you and stand by you when you are down and out. Your spouse will. Hopefully.

Pledge 3: I’ll never get happiness out of proving my partner wrong:

I feel that if everyone in a relationship sincerely takes this one vow, eighty percent of our life’s problems will solve on their own. We behave as if we are in some kind of perpetual competition with our mate.

And so much energy and effort is wasted in proving the other person wrong. It’s a battle out there in life anyway. But remember, the two of you are not on the opposite sides.

Pledge 4: I will not cry let’s break up everytime we fight:

We love sitting on a short fuse. And then we love reaching drastic conclusions at the drop of a hat. The next time you are about to blurt out ‘let’s break up’ just because you've had a nasty argument, pinch yourself.

On the inside of your elbow, because I’ve tried and it hurts really bad over there. A relationship is no joke. Don’t treat it as one, because you are not a joker. Or are you?

Sonal Kalra feels that just like relationship counsellors, there should also be don't-get-into-a-relationship counsellors. They’ll do better business.

Mail your calmness tricks at:sonal.kalra@hindustantimes.comorvisit
Follow on Twitter @sonalkalra

The calmness trophy this week, for yet another time, goes to the extremely creative and hugely talented reader of this column, Mohit Bhandari from Ludhiana, for providing constructive feedback in the most innovative manner, week after week. Cheers, and calmness always.

First Published: Dec 24, 2011 18:33 IST