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Wait, watch and woo

Just write to Uncle Cy and I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

entertainment Updated: Sep 17, 2012 18:51 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times

Just write to Uncle Cy and I’ll give you some relief…. err… that is, provided, I’m not doing a headstand at the time.

I have been in love with a girl since I was in class 6. In class 9, I confessed my love to her. She said she loved me too, but as a good friend. Now she is seeing someone else, and has stopped talking to me for some reason. Please help.

— Noel Yash

Noel bhai, the only way is to make the girl fail at least 5 times. You see on average, a 9th standard girl is about 14 years so I need her to have failed at least 5 times so that she is above the legal age of 18. However, if you promise me that this is an ‘innocent’ relationship, then we can proceed. Promise? No answer, so I take that as a yes. When a girl says she loves you, but only as a good friend, quite frankly that means you are out of business. Now she has stopped talking to you. Putting all this evidence together including the boyfriend, I think you are barking up the wrong tree, stroking the wrong ball, wearing the wrong pants..etc etc. I say learn to live without her and focus and prioritise on the right things for a boy of your age, like, scratching.

I am 18 and the girl I loved recently moved to Gujarat. She said she loved me, but I don’t know if she still has the same feelings. She says long- distance relationships don’t work. I want to go and talk to her face-to-face, but I have my HSC exams soon. I’m unable to concentrate on my studies. How do I know if she is still really interested. Please help me uncle Cyrus.

— Anuj Mathers

First of all for calling me ‘uncle’, minus two points. Secondly, Gujarat is three hours away. I say go and get it out of the way. Long distance relationships are tough. Frankly that’s why I gave up on both Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. But in today’s day and age, Gujarat is hardly ‘long distance’. A journey from Mumbai to Gujarat takes as much time as south Mumbai to Malad in peak evening traffic. So don’t be geographically challenged, go to Gujarat. And while you are there, see if you can, pack me some Dhoklas from ‘Mannibhai’s’.

I’m 17 and right now, I am in a very confused state. I want a girlfriend because I’ve always been single. But I have never met the right girl. And if I do manage to meet a girl, I move too fast and she runs away from me. This has also caused serious problems with other friends. Please help.

— Kaurhik Ray

It’s a simple case of a Twenty20 player struggling to come to terms with test cricket. You are bloody quick at getting girls, right? However, they run away. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that this sounds like kidnapping. Kaurhik, don’t rush in, wait for a special girl to come along. Her name should make your heart race. Er…. not in the way Mayawati’s name does, but in a happy, heightened, emotional way. That’s what I did. Unfortunately, that girl got away, and now I’m married. So follow the four Ws : wait, watch, woo and above all don’t forget to wash.

I read your column every Monday. These days we hear more break-up stories than love stories. Is it more difficult to maintain a steady relationship these days?

— Confused Geek

Mr Geek, Shakespeare once said “There is nothing such as good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Bear in mind, he’s the same guy who also said “51 rupees for a litre of diesel, I’d rather walk”! My point is that whether the art of loving is tough or easy it’s actually, really up to you.

First Published: Sep 17, 2012 14:29 IST