Do be very afraid

Terrorists are a mere bagatelle in our arsenal. Greater horrors await the hapless traveller in our country.

Diplomacy is all about tit-for-tat. So we are not surprised that after India let the world know about its new tough visa regulations, the United States, Britain, Australia and Canada ganged up to come up with a quick response. The four have issued travel advisories to their citizens against coming to India. The reason: the old chestnut, terrorists are planning to target foreigners.

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We protest against such sentiments, but not for the same reasons our Foreign Minister S.M. Krishna has. Don’t these foreign ministry mandarins have any clue that there are far bigger threats in India? We can assure you that we don’t depend on terrorists from some godforsaken Tora Bora caves to create some clatter. Here are some of our home-grown ones: is flying into Delhi on a foggy winter night less frightening? After circling over the city for hours, you might just find yourself in Chandigarh. And even if you did manage a touchdown in Delhi, beware of the roads outside. Look up to see the sunset and down you’ll go into one of the numerous pits that have been dug. Then danger lurks in the form of our twittering minister, Shashi Tharoor. Woe betide the hapless visitor who might find himself at the receiving end of the his tweets on all things related and unrelated to his ministry. Or just let them try understanding how a man charged with murder has become a chief minister. Well, that should injure their brain cells.

So, dear travellers, don’t go by what your or our government says, go by our travel advisory: India is safe, as safe as any other country. The US has its Nigerian bombers, Britain its terror plotters, the Australians their very own student-bashers and the Canadians, well, maybe Sarah Palin not too far away.