Lalu for Hillary in 2008 US presidential polls!

Given the enormous amounts US spends on polls, it should outsource campaigning to India, writes Gurmukh Singh in Canada Diary.

Ah, the irony. Canada and the US are like twin brothers. They share history, language and culture. They share bread and bahu. They share the world's longest border of 4,800 km across which half-a-million people pass daily. They are the biggest trade partners, exchanging goods and services worth $700 billion a year. And they are the biggest foreign investors each other.

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Yet these twin brothers are worlds apart.

As the Bush victory shows, the US is a conservative, right-of-centre country -- voters in mid-west America put things in perspective when they said it is Jesus Christ's country and Bush was their choice.

On the other hand, Canada is liberal. Eleven states in the US may have voted for a ban on gay marriage, five states in Canada have already legalised gay unions.

Canadian dislike for conservative (US) Republican presidents runs deep. But this dislike has further deepened during the Bush presidency because of his foreign policy "which is indicative of the behaviour of a rogue nation", and not because of his "moral agenda."

A recent survey shows one-third of Canadians equate America with an evil force in the world.

During the US presidential campaign, Canadians took Bush-bashing to comical heights. Seven out of 10 Canadians and several Ministers in the Paul Martin Cabinet wished his doom. One minister in the previous government of Jean Chretien called Bush a "moron". Another described him as a "failed statesman". Yet another -- MP Carolyn Parrish of the ruling Liberal Party -- said all Americans are "bastards" and Bush is "a warlike person".

The Francophobia whipped up by the Bush camp for France's refusal to join the Iraq war and Kerry's French connection came in handy for the media.

When the White House said that "he (Kerry) looks French," and the Wall Street Journal described him as "the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat," the media went to town carrying stories about Bush's "lowly" origins.

Quoting Histoire de l'Amerique Francaise, written by a reporter with Le Figaro of Paris, newspapers reported that the surname Bush was a corruption of Boucher or Butcher. Americanising foreign names was quite common in the 1800s when the Bouchers landed in America. Bush's biographers trace his family tree only till 1850. Because by that time the Bouchers of the Old World (Europe) had adopted the surname of Bush in the New World (America), they said.

Bye-bye Mr Bush. Hello Mr Boucher!

And "with a name like Boucher (Butcher), Mr Bush may even lose vegetarian votes," they joked.'

Howard Dean, who lost to Kerry in the Democratic presidential nomination race and was visiting Montreal, joined in the lampooning of his President. "I know the Bush administration makes fun of (Kerry's) ability to speak French. I find that is an incredible advantage over a President who can barely speak English," said Dean.

Bush's Texan swagger, which connected him to rural America, became the butt of ridicule. "They have re-elected an inarticulate schoolyard bully who cares nothing for international relations and whose entire ideology is summed up in the phrase `Don't mess with Texas.'

"Maps of America in future should include a big red-and-white bull's eye in the center", fumed one reader in an angry letter to a newspaper after the Bush victory.

As they rant and rave about the outcome of the US polls, Indo-Canadians are rejoicing at the electoral harvest their brethren have just reaped in the Bush land. "Indians are already in the mainstream in Canada. Now they have come of age in the US as well. Bush has not been bad for Indians," said a young Indo-Canadian lawmaker.

After a brief pause, he said, "We think money power, muscle power, violence, coercion, lies and character assassination are part of the Indian poll system only. But look at the world's greatest democracy. It is no better than the world's largest democracy."

Joked another, "Look at expense of the US poll campaigning. The Americans should outsource campaigning to India. It will come cheaper and you don't have to oblige Hollinger (Dick Cheney's former employers). And Lalu Yadav and Uma Bharti will do a far better job. Look at Bush and Kerry. They were stuck with a few sentences: ...my opponent says this, ...this president says that, ...flip-flopper, ...Tora-Bora, ...Iraq..., ... hard work, ...I will fix it,... These guys were over-tutored by their speechwriters. There was no spontaneity. Laloo and Uma Bharati need no speechwriters as they are the masters of one-liners. And they don't need any Bruce Springsteen to gather crowds.

Seems Hillary Clinton will be in the fray in the 2008 polls. She had better start looking Lalu-ward.''

Huh-ha.