Quick, learn from us

A British counter-terrorism officer leaks sensitive information. Relax, it’s no big deal.

It was an act worthy of Inspector Clouseau on one of the missions in the Pink Panther series. Britain’s top counter-terrorism officer Bob Quick was caught on camera displaying a top-secret document pertaining to raids on suspected militants, forcing the operation to be brought forward. The best-kept secrets are those, as we all know, that everyone knows about. We in India are experts at spotting those who try to execute secret missions. In fact, once they are caught, we are also experts in extracting information from them with such ease that it would put modern interrogation techniques to shame.

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For a start, we believe in a take-no-prisoners policy. So at the first hint of suspicion, the suspected terrorist is gunned down. Invariably, our sleuths will discover on his person a detailed map of the sites he meant to target, his alien passport and, most often, enough ammunition to blow up Fort Knox. If all that fails, they will extract a dying confession giving minute details of his ill-fated mission to his last breath. Then we have the case of terrorists waylaying passersby and asking for directions, all the while sporting lethal weaponry.

So Mr Quick has much to learn from us. Not for us all that painstaking investigation, collating information and official sanction for a raid. Our chaps would have known exactly where to go and how to get the would-be culprits to sing like canaries before they committed suicide by shooting themselves in the back.