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SurferSpeak: My political hallucinations

Our surfer talks of an encounter with a new APE in town - Ace Political Expert!
None | By ER Ramachandran, New Delhi
UPDATED ON MAR 26, 2006 07:19 PM IST

I was taking a stroll near the Jantar Mantar, and it was sheer luck that I ran into the Ace Political Expert (APE)! Here was a chance to clear all my doubts and get insights into events that take place.

As we sat at the ancient landmark, I asked, "What do you think of Advaniji's rath yatra?"

"Rath Yatra Dwitheey (II) couldn't have come at a better time. This will once and for all remove all the allegations that Advaniji is obsessed with Hindutva."

"This is totally opposite to what is being perceived by everybody!"

"After his famous Jinnah speech, I understand that Rath II has been totally rejigged. One half of the rath will be painted with the national tri-colour and the other half will have a crescent moon on a green backdrop. Ditto with wheels. Advaniji himself is planning flags of India and Pakistan tattooed on his cheeks like a genuine cricket fan!

"There will be a cut out of Prez Musharaf playfully knitting Dhoni's locks. His secular rath will send shivers down the collective spine of ruling party in UP and UPA. If Advaniji decides to tour all over India with Rath Dwitheey, I reckon even the Left will have to go to Baba Ramdev Ashram for pranayam!"

APE's intuition and analysis of the event was simply amazing.

I wanted APE'S views on the other issue bothering everybody from Bollywood to Bathinda.

"Do you think Jaya Bachchan is an unfortunate victim of street politics and electoral regulations?"

"Probably. But 'Guddi' should realise that she is not an actor any more. Time was when Hrishikesh Mukherjee and Basu Bhattacharya would explain the scene and give her the lines and she would act it out for a Filmfare award. Here, in politics, when you are upset you create a scene and the dialogues come automatically. That's what must have happened to Guddi in such a hazy scenario and even while filing her papers for Rajya Sabha."

"Do you think she is also finding politics to be cesspool as another Bachchan found out sometime back?"

"Perhaps not yet. But Raj Babbar might as well believe so. Unlike in Bollywood, where the director is the final authority, there are layers in politics. Layers of power brokers like onion peels. You touch any of them and sure enough you are in tears!

"Jaya and Babbar will learn that unlike in movies, there are cameras hidden everywhere in politics. 'Action' happens all the time and there is no 'cut' here. 'Cut' has a totally different meaning here!"

"Perhaps Jaya should send some time with the other Jaya in Chennai?"

"Chennai's Jaya is a seasoned politician who cut her political teeth in films with MGR! She can juggle Shankaracharya, Vaiko and a whole lot of Tamil Nadu politicians as a matter of routine. Bachchan will find this institute far tougher than the film institute in Pune where getting a gold medal was easy!"

"Your first impression of the nuclear deal?"

"President Bush will still have to do a lot of steering and wheeling in the other 'Congress' before it can become a deal!"

APE left me more confused as I staggered out of Jantar Mantar.

ER Ramachandran is our regular surfer and can be contacted He is based in Mysore.

All views and opinions presented in this article are solely those of the surfers and do not necessarily represent those of

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