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From career milestones to relationships, why we compare ourselves with people we don't even know: Psychologist explains what drives this habit
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We often measure our success against people we barely know. A psychologist explains how it affects our self-worth.
The saying “The grass is always greener on the other side” perfectly captures our tendency to compare our lives with what we see on social media. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Aparna Rani, clinical psychologist at Cadabams Hospitals, explains what drives this habit and how it can affect our well-being.
Why do we compare our lives with others?
According to Aparna, we compare ourselves with people we do not even know because the human brain naturally uses other people as reference points to evaluate our own progress, achievements and sense of worth.
From a psychological perspective, this is called social comparison. We often assess whether we are doing well by looking at how others are doing, particularly in areas such as career, relationships, appearance and lifestyle. The problem begins when we compare our everyday reality with someone else’s carefully selected highlights, without having access to the full context of their lives.
“Social media intensifies this tendency because we are constantly exposed to curated images of success, happiness, financial security and physical appearance,” said Aparna. The brain can interpret repeated exposure to these images as information about what is normal or expected, even when what we see is far from representative of reality. This can create a feeling that we are falling behind, even when our own lives are progressing meaningfully.
What drives constant comparison?
Aparna highlighted that comparison also becomes more frequent when a person is experiencing uncertainty, low self-esteem or dissatisfaction in a particular area of life. For instance, someone who is unsure about their career may become especially sensitive to the achievements of others. In such situations, comparison is not always about wanting what another person has. It can reflect an underlying need for reassurance that we are doing enough or that we are on the right path.
“It is important to understand that comparison itself is not inherently unhealthy. It can motivate us to learn, improve and set goals,” said Aparna. It becomes harmful when we use other people’s lives as the primary measure of our own worth.
A healthier approach is to recognise when comparison is affecting our mood, question whether we are comparing ourselves with a realistic picture, and return our attention to our own progress, priorities and circumstances. We may not be able to stop the mind from comparing, but we can learn not to treat every comparison as an accurate judgement of our lives.
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only.
