Is being an enabling person hurting you? Expert says it’s time to stop

“Enabling comes from the want to not see other people suffer or struggle. Ironically, engaging in enabling can often create more suffering and struggle,” wrote Nicole LePera.

We are conditioned to live in a society where we are always expected to give more than we get back. We are taught from our childhood to help others, see through a person’s mistakes and accept them back and stand by each other even when it gets to the point where it’s harmful for your own mental health. This creates anger and resentment in our lives and reduces our productivity. People who are enabling in nature go through extreme struggle and suffering in their lives and yet stand by each other and avoid their mistakes.

Psychologist Nicole LePera addressed the issue of enabling people and how it affects their mental health in a post a few days back. She broke down the situations of being an enabling person and how it affects the mental health. Nicole wrote that enabling is a pattern of helping someone where we continue to keep doing it without the need and the urge of solving it. This, in turn, makes the other person believe that no matter how much granted they take us, we will always be by them. Hence, the harmful pattern continues.

Enabling comes from a good intention – of not being able to see people suffer. However, when enabling goes on for a long period of time, it makes the person not want to face the neutral consequences of their actions. Nicole LePera further pointed out that it is important to be empathetic to the other person, but it is not healthy to lose ourselves in the process. “Understanding someone’s background or situation is empathy. Understanding that leads to you betraying yourself in the process, is enabling,” she wrote.

Nicole also said that it is time to stop. “Being “selfless” doesn’t mean you allow harmful behavior,” she wrote. Ending patterns of enabling doesn't mean that we don’t care about the pother person – it only means that we are choosing ourselves before anyone else.