6 ways to deal with an angry partner

Married to a person with anger issues? Here are ways to deal with them and have healthy conversations.

An anger outburst can come out of the blue, when the other person is least expecting it. While anger is a healthy emotion and helps us to defend ourselves when we are attacked, unhealthy and illogical rage can destroy relationships. People may have different triggers to anger depending on how their interpret the situation and decide to react to it. Many people feel out of control when they feel angry and end up hurting the other person. (Also read: 7 big relationship mistakes couples make and how to avoid them)

Being married to or in a relationship with a person who has anger issues, may feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time. (Pexels)

Being married to or in a relationship with a person who has anger issues, may feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time. Angry people may actually be hiding their pain and vulnerability behind their aggressiveness, and it is important to understand the reasons behind the triggers. Having a conversation with them when they are calm and figuring out their deeper issues can help. However, it is important to feel respected in a relationship and the same must be conveyed to a person who have temperament issues. Getting professional assistance can help you and your partner build a healthy relationship.

Arouba Kabir, Mental Health Counsellor & Founder, Enso Wellness shares with HT Digital ways to deal with an angry partner.

1. Reduce the emotional charge

If your partner is angry for a logical or an illogical reason, first and foremost, we need to understand that we cannot deal anger with anger. So try to be as calm as possible. If your partner is angry and you try to raise your voice, stone wall yourself, give angry looks or expressions, it is only going to escalate the situation rather than resolve it.

2. Figure out the root cause

When you see, your partner is relatively calmer, try to have a conversation about their anger. Emotion anger is just at the tip of an iceberg, there is always a deeper issue which makes the person get angry. Figuring out the root cause, triggers would help you understand other person's situation.

3. Ask yourself what made you choose this person or stay in that relationship

There must be a reason that you have chosen to be with this person in today's world, where we all have a choice of being in a relationship or leaving it. It is like pick your bottles. If you have chosen a partner who might have temperament issues, you need to have an understanding that it might be difficult at times when they are not able to manage their anger. Having an understanding will help you deal with the situation better.

4. Self work

You might have to do regular self work in order to be able to be assertive and expressive at the same time in that relationship. You can get easily dominated by the person who has temperament issues, if you do not learn how to be assertive at the same time and get respect in that relationship. Rather than trying to control them or the situation, try to work how to navigate your emotions and practice, compassion and patience.

5. Seeking help

This might help you and your partner have a beautiful relationship as we are taught how to greet well in school or how to wear our clothes or how to talk or learn a language, but we are not taught how to manage or navigate our emotions. So professional aid can help you learn coping mechanisms and navigating emotions better in such situations.

6. Do not try to win

If in an argument and especially with a person who has anger issues, it can sometimes turn physically harmful as well. So do not try to win. You can choose to remove yourself from that space. You might be right but that is not the time to prove yourself. Validate their emotions and allow them to feel what they are feeling and rather than trying to convince or control them, try to influence them by talking to them calmly.

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