Relationship anxiety or gut instinct? Therapist explains how to tell the difference and what to do next

Cameron Murphy, a licensed mental health therapist, expands on the issue of relationships and how to handle them.

Are you in a relationship? Is that causing you to feel funny in the stomach, not in a pleasant way? Are you constantly bothered by doubts about this relationship? Then, you might be suffering from relationship anxiety. Or are you having a gut feeling that this is not the right relationship for you?

How to tell if it’s anxiety or gut instinct in your relationship (Unsplash)

It can be very difficult not just to deal with these emotions but also to figure out exactly what it is that is bothering you. Is it relationship anxiety or your gut feeling?

Gut feeling or anxiety?

Cameron Murphy, a licensed marriage and family therapist, has given a detailed analysis of the situation. He also gave clear pointers to identify the nature of your anxiety. According to him, to differentiate between relationship anxiety and gut feeling, it is key to remember that: “Gut feelings feel more like clear information. Relationship anxiety feels more like confusion,” he wrote on his blog.

Murphy is an expert on relationship anxiety and works with patients who experience it. He says that “a gut feeling gives you clear information to act on. Relationship anxiety, on the other hand, doesn’t give you anything clear to act on.”

So, when you feel confused, cluttered, conflicted about a relationship and wrestle with thoughts about the propriety of it, you, most probably, have relationship anxiety. It can also lead to compulsions, such as a desperate need to figure out whether the relationship is right or not for you.

This yearning for certainty, and repeatedly acting on it, comes under the category of compulsive behaviour, according to Cameron Murphy.

How to deal with the situation?

As per Murphy’s blog, the best way to deal with relationship anxiety is not to constantly search for reassurance but to move forward in your relationship while accepting that it may not be perfect.

In fact, this is the answer to both a nagging gut feeling and relationship anxiety – knowing that you don’t always know. Accept the limitations of your knowledge and move forward. Gut feeling may feel like a very clear sign that you are not with the right person, but it is not always.

So, embrace not knowing and venture into the future with your partner. You will find your way eventually. Don’t obsess over the question of whether you are right or wrong. Accept that you won’t have the answer. That is the only way to move forward, as per Murphy.