Steps to address resentment in relationship, therapist explains

From understanding emotions to creating room for change, here are a few ways of addressing resentment in relationships.

Resentment in a relationship can creep from a lot of factors – from not getting the respect that we deserve to the way we are being treated constantly. When resentment in a relationship is not addressed in a healthy manner, it can convert to contempt over time. “Resentment is something many people face in their relationships (romantic, platonic, familial, or professional). Resentment is a spectrum, and its presence in your relationship doesn’t mean the relationship is done,” added Psychotherapist Emily H Sanders as she shared tips on how to address resentment in relationships.

“Dismantling resentment can be disheartening because relationships involve more than one person- you only have agency over your choices. These suggestions are meant to help you to turn inward to look at you - your relationship, your feelings, and your needs,” added Emily. Here are a few ways to address resentment:

Emotions: The feelings that we are experiencing need to be picked out and addressed – hatred, disappointment, frustration, overwhelming emotions or the combination of everything.

Situations: We need to understand our triggers – the kind of situations that happen in the relationship and repeat themselves, that we feel resentment for.

Contribution: We need to recognise what we can do from our end. We should address this through the contribution we can make to the entire situation and help it become better.

Expectations: Are we feeling resentment because of the expectations we have? We should ask ourselves and check our expectations.

Communicate: The most important step of addressing resentment is speaking to the other person about it, and understanding what they feel.

Needs: We also need to express the needs and expectations we have from the person and the relationship – this will help in mending ways.

Change: We should create space for change – for ourselves and the other person as well.

Grateful: Notice the things that we should be grateful about in the relationship – look at the brighter side.

Professional help: When things do not work out the way we want, we can always seek professional help to understand it better.