Think you are the bigger person in the relationship? 4 reasons why you may be the toxic one

Here's how to know you may be self-sabotaging your relationship. These habits may seem harmless, but they could be quietly causing it to backfire.

Pointing fingers in a relationship, trying to decide whose fault it is that the ship is sinking, is easy. But the hard part is asking the right questions, not to your partner, but to yourself. Questions like ‘Could I be the problem in the relationship?’ may jolt the best of us, since there's an innate predisposition to always see oneself in the best light, with the generous rationalisation of ‘I can do no wrong.’

You may be the problem in the relationship.(Shutterstock)

Maybe the answer to saving the relationship is to open your eyes and look inwards. Relationship expert Jeff Guenther who frequently shares relationship and dating takeaways on his profile, shared on June 19, four ways that tell you are the problem in the relationship. 

Here are the 4 things shared by Jeff Guenther that may indicate you are the one digging the hole in the relationship: 

1. Being too ‘honest’ 

You routinely say, I am just being honest but are you actually being honest, or are you just blurting out whatever you feel like without any emotional regulation? That's not bold. It's bratty and mean. There's a better way to communicate your truth without turning it into a weapon.

2. Being the ‘bigger person’ 

You are always being the bigger person, which probably just means you are avoiding hard conversations, suppressing your needs and silently building a case against your partner. That is not emotional maturity; it is martyrdom, and I guarantee you are coming off as super condescending. 

3. Being 'passive-aggressive'

You get real quiet and withdrawn and pretend everything is just fine when it is not. Just to see if your partner notices like you are hurt, they haven't initiated in a while, so you passively aggressively pull away and wait for them to chase you. That is not setting a boundary, that's emotional game playing, say what you need. Don't make them decode your sulking. 

4. Doing a favour

You feel that you are doing a favour by dating them because deep down you believe you are the more evolved one, the catch, putting yourself on a very tall pedestal is causing disconnection, resentment and a one-sided power dynamic. 

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.