Review: Superstar

Super Star
Cast: Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu
Direction: Rohit Jugraj
Rating: **

There must be something in the municipal water supply. Virtually, the same theme as Mithiya fetches up in Rohit ‘James’ Jugraj’s Superstar this week. Eeek?

You bet. For two hours-plus, you’re just watching Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu in more close-ups than the vast numbers once assigned to beauties like Greta Garbo, or closer to home, Madhubala.

In this Kunal orgy, he’s a struggling actor. Is this a trend or what? But in the manner of Raja aur Runk he ends up impersonating a film producer’s talent-challenged star son (also Khemmu Khemmu Khemmu Khemmmmmmooo).

Off to a Bangkok shoot, struggling Khemmu and spoilt brat (Khemmu boozing, womanising, woo-hoo waking- up-late) take off for a midnight car ride and crash into a truck. Cluck cluck.

Rich Khemmu is dead, Poor Khemmu is breathing in antique Adnan Sami-sized close-ups under tubes. And a nurse hisses, “Shoooo, shooo, shooo” as if she didn’t like his footwear. Poor Alive Khemmu now has to impersonate Rich Dead Khemmu, because Devilish Producer Dad wants a super hit. In this mess, Sharat Saxena, Reema Lagoo, Tulip Joshi hit the glycerine bar, shedding more tears than Devdas ever did for his poppet Paro. Sob.

You’re weeping, too, because Khemmu’s whiskers need styling and hair needs a cut. But woe-ho-ho, director Jugraj merely buys him a new suit for the movie’s premiere at Oddlabs. “Yeh Manish Malhotra hai,” says producer pointing to black garments. Malhotra should sue.

To be fair, the I-will-tell-the-truth speech at the premiere does bring a lump to your throat. And so does a noble deed by a Gulzar-stubbled journalist; he has the dirt on the Gareeb-Ameer Khemmu scam but holds back the scoop so he can also get a gigantic close-up. Scary, you detect that his stubble is actually boot polish.

By the way, one of the two cinematographers’ names is credited as ‘Deadly’. Darshan Jariwalla as the creepy producer delivers the worst, hammy-clammy performance in his or anyone’s career. Quotable dialogue includes the line, “This is not a motion picture..it’s a loose motion picture.” Really, really, really.

Frankly, hours after this Super Star ding dong, you’re haunted by the face of Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu, Kunal Khemmu. Several times, he states that the recipe for superstardom is to boil, bake and simmer ingredients from Amitabh Bachchan, Shah Rukh Khan and Salman Khan. Problem: even they haven’t ever been treated to Greta Garboji-style close-ups. Ever.

Avoid this Khemmu paav.