Malavika’s Mumbaistan: The year in Christmas carols

STAR WEDDING TIME

STAR WEDDING TIME

(Sung to the tune of ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful’)

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant,

Come ye, O come ye, It’s Star Wedding Time

Come and behold them, decked the stars of Bollywood

O come, and click a selfie

O come, dance to their songs

O come, in your designer wear

It’s star wedding time

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT THE KHANS COULD HAVE FLOPPED?

(Sung to the tune of ‘The First Noel’)

The first Khan flop was not expected

Took all by surprise as in beds did they lay;

In beds where they lay and were fast asleep

On a cold Friday evening, their prayers did not keep

O flop, big flop, big big flop,

Who would have thought that the Khans could have flopped...

NATIONAL POLLING DAY IS NOT TOO FAR AWAY

(Sung to the tune of ‘God Rest You Merry Gentlemen’)

God rest you merry, gentlemen,

Let nothing you dismay,

Remember national polling day

Is not too far away

To save us all from demagogues

And others of their ilk.

O tidings of comfort and joy,

Comfort and joy,

O tidings of comfort and joy!

THE KING OF GOOD TIMES

(Sung to the tune of ‘Away in a Manger’)

Away in a manger, no prop for his head

The King of Good times will lay down in bed

His lawyers still fighting, but jurists defer

And his date of extradition

Is drawing near

The debts are mounting

The media does bay

And the King of Good Times

Now he says he’ll pay

THEY’RE MAKING A LIST

(Sung to the tune of ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’)

Oh! You better watch out,

You better not cry,

You better not pout,

I’m telling you why:

The thought police are coming to town!

They’re making a list,

They’re checking it twice,

Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.

The thought police are coming to town!

They see what you are eating

They know what calls you make

They know when you’ve been bad or good,

So be good for goodness sake!

So...You better watch out, You better not cry

You better not pout, I’m Telling you why.

The thought police are coming to town.

RAGA, THE CONGRESS LEADER

(Sung to the tune of ‘Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer’)

RaGa, the Congress leader

Had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

You would even say it glows.

All of the other leaders

Used to laugh and call him names.

They never let poor RaGa

Take part in political games.

Then one foggy Christmas eve

Sonia came to say:

“RaGa with your nose so bright,

Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

Then all the leaders loved him

As they shouted out with glee:

“RaGa the Congress leader

You’ll go down in history!”

DESIGNER’S CHILD

(Sung to the tune of ‘Hark! The Herald Angels Sing’)

Hark! The Toodles KJO sings

Glory to his new born thing

With cell CAM in hand, no mercy mild

He pokes fun at friends and foes alike

Toodles to ye designer’s child

Toodles to his shoes divine

Kirron and Malaika cringe

But nothing will stop the Toodles King

With his words dripped in bile

He will mock their clothes and style

Hark! The Toodles KJO thing

Glory to his new born thing

THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW

(Sung to the tune of ‘Joy to the World’)

Joy to the world! The Nation wants to know

Let earth receive her King;

Let every TV set prepare Him room,

The Nation wants to Know

The Nation Wants to Know

The Nation, the Nation, the Nation wants to Know.

STILL TRAVELLING

(Sung to the tune of ‘We Three Kings’)

We three kings of Orient are

Nirav, Lalit and Mallya

Cricket fields and sports cars, airlines and diamonds

They’re always around us, never too far

We’re Kings of fortune, Kings of power

Surrounded by beauties and by stars

Westward leading, still travelling

London New York, even Zanzibar

Born each one to a kingdom large

With planes and horses and many a car

Westward leading, still travelling,

London, New York and even Zanzibar.