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10 tips for a better sex life

Good sex is therapeutic. The world knows that. However, lack of fulfillment is big deal with couple across the world. US-based psychotherapist Joyce Marter writing in takes us through 10 points to bear in mind for a healthy and better sex life. | By HT Correspondent
UPDATED ON APR 08, 2014 04:20 PM IST

Good sex is therapeutic. The world knows that. However, lack of fulfillment is a big deal with couples across the world. More often than not, people end up being depressed, worried and listless about their sex life. Many, in cultures like ours (India) brought up a heavy dose of family values, begin to believe that enduring a non-existent sex life is part and parcel of married life.

This is far from true. The basis of married life or being in a sexual intimacy with a partner hinges on the belief that sex is an integral part of overall wellbeing. After all, aren’t the four aspects of healthy and fulfilling living (Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha) basic beliefs in Indian philosophy?

Read: Six signs that show man, woman can't be 'just friends'

The modern West has a far more open attitude to sex in all its myriad aspects. The good news is that urban India is coming around to the idea. About time, many would say, after centuries of regressive attitudes that have crept into Indian psyche.

Enter psychotherapists. Though the concept of seeking help from experts is pretty established in the West, in India, we are still coy about discussing our most intimate moments with a third person.

US-based psychotherapist Joyce Marter takes us through 10 points to bear in mind for a healthy and better sex life, reports

1 A hyperactive mind thinking too hard on the subject is a recipe for disaster. Nothing is going to come off it. Instead, steady your mind. Meditate and introspect your present state. Dig deep into your heart and ask what is it that you desire sexually.

2 You have desires; that’s fine. Stop feeling guilty. There's no shame in demanding sex from your partner. Fear is the other emotion commonly felt. There’s no reason to feel that way. You are a sexual being and having your urges satisfied is a legitimate need.

Read: The changing narrative of love, sex and marriage in India

3 It is always a healthy habit to write down your issues that are preventing you from enjoying a robust sex life. Often, maintaining notes is a sure-shot way of ensuring that you know your mind. It helps to clear the clutter in the head.

4 Create a plan to sort out the issue. You might want to speak to your doctor. Take to yoga to help steady the mind. Hit the gym and feel sexier. Seek counselling; but junk dependence on porn.

5 Ask yourself – are you too focused on matters of the mind and thereby ignoring the needs of the body? Seek to strike a balance. Set aside some time for stretching, progressive muscle relaxation and mind techniques. These will make you more aware of your body and feel desirable.

6Focus on passionate energy between you and your partner rather than sexual energy. The results are startling.

7 It is always a nice idea to talk to your partner about the need for sex, of your feelings and desires. Be open and honest, never be accusatory. Give your partner room to air his or her views as well.

8Don’t make the discussion into a fight club. Speak more as “I” and downplay “you”.

9Stop brooding. Don’t take an age to arrive at a decision. Postponing things will hardly help.

10Increase your sensual experiences with your partner. Take recourse to music, art, dance, poetry, nature and food.

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