What’s your tee saying?

Common sense suggests that freshers should not sport T-shirts with wacky slogans. Why invite unnecessary attention? But boy, it’s tough to resist them. Mayank Austen Soofi delves into the trend.

Common sense suggests that freshers should not sport T-shirts with wacky slogans. Why invite unnecessary attention? But boy, it’s tough to resist them. We recently saw a kid with designer stubble walking around in KMC, his tee boldly proclaiming: ‘I can cure VIRGINITY.’ Interested?’ Then there’s a first-year college girl in IP University who is hardly beyond her teens but goes around the campus declaring: ‘My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.’ Seems beer has too many buyers. The other day we saw a campus lad with this ‘public notice’ splashed out on his blue tee: ‘Caution!!! Zero to Horny in 2.5 glasses of Beer.’

Strangely, he had no beer belly. But just look around and you’ll know that Delhi isn’t short of bellies. Blame the dal makhni cooks. We saw a guy in Janpath with an XL shirt that told us: ‘Indian food HOTTER than the women who cook.’ Cruel. Girls will be upset. Good that his girlfriend was not with him. But was she that cheery-looking beauty we spotted in PVR Saket whose tee said: ‘My boyfriend is out of town’?

In every classroom, there are always a few characters whose idea of throwing attitude is faking phoren-returned status. Those kids must quickly buy this tee: ‘This is the only shirt I didn’t lose in Las Vegas.’ However, a few pappus can be honest, too. We sighted a guy whose tee was brutally frank, ‘Breaking news — I’m broke.’ We think he should call his ATM, matlab papa. Or he should exchange his tee with that of a girl we saw in Hans Raj who was flashing:
‘No machine can read this barcode As I am PRICELESS’

But have we talked of tees whose strange meaning can only be cracked by IIT types? Sample this: ‘Dip me in chocolate, throw me to lesbians.’ Pray, why chocolate? Why lesbians? Some slogans can even be philosophical. Sample this: ‘Live your life not celebrating victories but overcoming defeats.’