Govinda recalls ‘kind of’ trying to end his life after mother's death: ‘Realised have to live for my children’

Govinda recalled being in "tremendous pain" after his mother's demise in 1996 and said the loss left him feeling that everything was over.

Actor Govinda has opened up about the intense grief he experienced following the death of his mother, Nirmala Devi, revealing that he once entered the Narmada River believing he would "meet" her again.

Govinda recalled the painful memory of losing his mother.

'Felt everything was over'

In a conversation with ANI, Govinda recalled being in "tremendous pain" after his mother's demise in 1996 and said the loss left him feeling that everything was over.

"I was in a lot of pain. I was in tremendous pain. At that point, I felt that everything was over; that was it," Govinda said.

‘Went into river thinking would meet mom’

Nirmala Devi, a renowned Hindustani classical vocalist and actress, died on June 15, 1996, at the age of 69. Govinda was extremely close to his mother and has often credited her spiritual influence with playing an important role in both his personal and professional life.

Recalling the incident at the Narmada River, the actor said, "So, I was at the Narmada River, I thought I would go a little farther into the river and that I would meet my mother again. So, I went into the river."

When asked whether he was trying to commit suicide, Govinda replied, "Kind of. I was deeply attached to my mother. I was too much in love with her."

He later explained that he did not view the incident simply in those terms. "That's what the world calls it. People use suicide type of words. We don't really have anything like that. Life never ends. It takes on new faces; It takes on new forms," he said.

‘Realised have to live for my children’

Govinda recalled that a sadhu, whom he now reminisces as Ram Kundal, approached him and helped him come out of the river.

"He called out to me and came toward me. I came out of the river and he asked “What happened, Govind?” he said.

The actor said the experience eventually led him to reassess his life. "I realised, actually someone said to me this at that time that I was doing something wrong... And I learned a lesson, I realised that I have to live for my children," he said.

Govinda said it took him around 10 to 15 days to truly emerge from that state of mind, adding that he eventually felt there was "something else in this world" that he had to experience and that he needed to move forward.

'Films are just like toys for me'

He also recalled feeling completely empty after his mother's death and said his perspective on films and stardom changed.

"Films are just like toys for me. I shouldn't say this; I am saying it out of fear of God. Forgive me if I shouldn't be saying this, and if I am offending anyone... But I believe that films, acting, stardom, heroism, all of it, is a manifestation of God. Whatever we have received, we have received from God, and we are simply acting in it. We have seen all of this, and we were able to experience it."

For Govinda, he said, his biggest achievement was fulfilling the dreams his mother had for him.

"But the real achievement for me was that I could serve my family and my mother. I could fulfil all the wishes she had imagined for me, what she had thought my son Govinda would achieve when he turned 21. That was her dream. And I was able to fulfil it. I saw true heroism in that part of my life. That is a very different way of looking at things," he said.

On the work front, Govinda is promoting his upcoming film 'Roopa' with Komal Rani Swarnkar. The film marks his comeback after several years. He was last seen in the 2019 film 'Rangeela Raja', followed by an appearance in the 2022 documentary 'Naam Tha Kanhaiyalal.' (ANI)