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Hayden Panettiere's last words on daughter, alcohol dependency revealed: ‘I was fooling myself’
Hayden Panettiere discussed her struggles with motherhood and recovery in a recent interview before her passing.
Hayden Panettiere shared insights about her bond with her daughter, Kaya, as well as her journey through motherhood and recovery in an interview released just weeks before her passing at the age of 36.
In a conversation with the parenting magazine Momé in July, Panettiere reflected on the traumatic and nearly fatal experience of Kaya's birth in December 2014. The actress revealed that she underwent three hours of surgery and needed seven blood transfusions.
Panettiere also mentioned her difficulty in establishing an immediate connection with her daughter after the birth.
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"I had always heard that moms feel an instant rush of love, but I didn't — and I had no idea why," she stated, as per People.
She mentioned that she resorted to alcohol as a means of coping with her feelings of emptiness and shame, which ultimately resulted in an "alcohol dependency."
Hayden Panettiere gave daughter's custody to Wladimir Klitschko
Panettiere later chose to grant custody of her daughter, Kaya, who was two years old at that time, to her former fiancé, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko.
"It wasn't a decision I made lightly, nor was it a decision I even wanted to make," Panettiere mentioned. "I was going through a really challenging time in my life… I knew I needed to be able to put her first so that I could get the help I needed and be the mom she needed me to be."
Panettiere has entered rehabilitation, stating that a component of her treatment involves the process of self-forgiveness.
"You have to let go of what you wish you could change, and be present, and make the most of what you have now," she remarked.
On her bond with Kaya, she said, “I love my daughter, and I'm so proud of the young woman she is becoming. I talk to her all the time, and I feel so connected to her.” “One day she'll understand my story, and why I wasn't able to be with her all the time.”
Hayden Panettiere's struggle with postpartum depression
Panettiere began her treatment when Kaya was just 4 months old and was diagnosed with postpartum depression.
She received a prescription for medication to assist her in managing the condition, but the actress noted that it led to another issue.
The medication prevented her from "cracking," she explained, "but there was a catch: if I didn’t take them, I couldn’t sleep. If I did, I overslept."
“I walked into rehab addicted to one substance, and I walked out, completely dependent on something else,” she said.
Panettiere mentioned that taking Klonopin made her feel like a "zombie." At one point, she found herself waking up in a hospital after a colleague discovered her asleep and was unable to rouse her.
She resumed drinking, including vodka, initially convincing herself that "no one could smell it on" her breath.
“I was fooling myself,” she wrote in her May 2026 memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning.
