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Choosing yourself: The rise of self-partnering
As conversations around self-partnering — treating oneself like a partner — emerge online, we ask experts to unpack the term’s popularity
What if the most meaningful relationship you ever committed to was with yourself? That is the idea behind ‘self-partnering’. Now a social media phenomenon, the term has sparked debates online about what it means to love yourself and live independently.
The phrasing might make it sound frivolous, but psychologists and health experts suggest it reflects a broader cultural shift toward well-being, resilience, and personal happiness. Even research supports the idea: a 2024 study from the University of California found individuals practising self-compassion displayed lower levels of stress, healthier sleep patterns, and better recovery from illnesses.
But what is self-partnering?
The phrase first gained attention in 2019, after actor Emma Watson stated in an interview that she preferred to describe herself as self-partnered instead of ‘single.’ Turning 30 at the time, Emma often faced questions about her relationship status. The actor later explained that she wanted to challenge the stigma around being unmarried after a certain age.
Psychologist Arpita Kohli of PSRI Hospital explains, “Self-partnering fulfils the need for emotional security, acceptance, and resilience. It helps one validate their worth without depending on external approval. For many, it reduces loneliness and creates the understanding that fulfilment can come from within.”
However, self-partnering is starkly different from sologamy, or self-marriage, which often involves vows.
It can be better understood as a mindset wherein people give themselves the same care and attention as a partner — setting personal goals, protecting boundaries or taking time to rest.
What caused the shift?
Younger generations have been quick to adopt self-partnering. The past decade has seen Gen Z and millennials prioritise therapy and wellness over traditional timelines. This was further accelerated at the height of the pandemic, as months of isolation pushed people to reflect on their priorities and experiment with living alone. Social media has further amplified the trend, making independence and self-care aspirational goals.
As Kohli puts it, “People who are self-partnered are also more likely to focus on physical wellbeing, rest, and healthy eating.”
Why are people choosing it?
The reasons vary. Some see it as an empowering step that creates space for careers, wellness goals, or creative passions.
Others adopt self-partnering as a form of avoidance, shaped by fear of rejection or vulnerability. This difference matters, Kohli tells us. “The question is whether this choice comes from empowerment or fear. That is what decides whether self-partnering improves wellbeing or becomes a way to escape.”
Echoing the sentiment, relationship expert Lovepreet Singh notes, “People are no longer defining happiness only through milestones such as marriage or cohabitation. Self-partnering allows them to create their own benchmarks for fulfilment, which can be liberating.”
A cultural shift beyond borders
Ananya Sharma, a marketing professional based in Delhi, says she turned to the idea after feeling worn down by years of long work hours and family pressures. “I realised I was always searching for validation outside myself. When I began treating myself as my own partner, whether by planning solo dinners, investing in therapy, or celebrating my small wins, I noticed a real shift in my confidence and mental peace,” she shares.
The concept has spread around the world. In Japan, young adults are increasingly describing themselves as ‘ohitorisama’, or someone who enjoys doing things alone, be it dining or travelling. In the West, the wellness industry has picked up on the demand, offering solo wellness retreats, therapy apps and courses focused on self-compassion. Global data also shows that the market for meditation and mindfulness apps, many of which encourage self-reflection and self-care, has more than doubled since 2020.
Side effects: Introspection vs isolation
While the practice has many positives, it carries risks if taken too far. “At an extreme, it can lead to isolation and reduced social engagement,” says Kohli. Over-reliance on oneself may reduce opportunities to connect with others, which can result in loneliness or even weakened social skills. She goes on to explain, “People sometimes confuse self-partnering with cutting themselves off from relationships altogether, and that can affect long-term emotional wellbeing.” The psychologist notes that the approach works best when practised in balance: “Self-partnering should make you stronger, not stop you from enjoying healthy and meaningful human connections.”
