Chirac's foodie jokes

Will Tony Blair get the best chefs to cook for the French President or will he get a hamburger for him, asks Vijay Dutt.

Historically French and the British have never been best of friends. Their rivalry and mutual dislike have spawned innumerable jokes, some about each other's courting and sexual techniques are in fact quite lurid, although one must admit they can be quite titillating at the cigar and brandy session after an appetising dinner.

But the contempt with which President Jacques Chirac dismissed the British cooking, " You can't trust people who cook as badly as that" was least expected. The Brit chefs are livid and the media has been digging up jokes against the French. In fact the counter-offensive against Chirac here overshadowed G8. That made me wonder what dishes would be served to him during his stay at Gleneagles for G8 summit.

Will Tony Blair get the best chefs to cook for the President or with sheer malicious pleasure he will get a hamburger for him. One astute diplomat joked; Chirac could fly his own chefs from Paris and also invite President Putin and German Chancellor Schroeder, with whom Chirac had shared his utter contempt for the English cooking. In fact, Putin had asked what about hamburgers, referring to America, only to be told, " Oh, no, hamburgers are nothing in comparison". This reflected the President's intense dislike of the cooking here. I wonder how he coped with the food served at Banquets at the Palace or official meals at Downing Street.

A famous Brit chef who cooked on Chirac's birthday in November 2001 summarily dismissed the French President saying he was no gourmet. I think it was the ultimate insult for a Frenchman. They are very proud of their cuisine and wines.

To my surprise, even many Indians have not taken the French President's remarks lying down, either. They were quick to point out that the best food of various countries can be found only in Britain now. Come to think of it they are right. The French President's judgement was possibly based on his not too happy relationship with Tony Blair. Just over three years ago, a restaurant in London had won the award for the best Italian dish. The French-based Michelin ratings for excellent ambience, cuisine and service have been very high, four and three stars--- even one stars for two Indian restaurants-- for several joints in this country, which serve "pucca" English cuisine.

Indians in fact, should feel proud that their cuisine has become popular not only in Britain but all over Europe. Paris may not boast of very good Indian joints but in Berlin a senior German official took me to Calcutta, which he described as one of the oldest Indian restaurant in Europe and one of the best too. I expected Bengali food there but we were served mughlai and other northern India dishes. The owner was a Kashmiri. I could not help telling him that he symbolised complete integration, with his restaurant called Calcutta, he himself being a Kashmiri and the food served mughlai.

The latest from Gleneagles was that Chirac would be served pure Scottish food at the Queen's Banquet for the G8 leaders. I am afraid he would not comment any more as the British have reacted as if Chirac had dropped an atom bomb. Just taste the joke published in news daily

Q: What did the mayor of Paris say the German army as they entered the city in the WW II?

A: Table for 100,000 M'sieur?" What can be worse than this? We can expect some fire works between Blair and Chirac, at Gleneagles specially after one of them loses the bid for Olympics 2012.

Women are the stronger sex

It is another surprising finding, scientific at that. Divorce makes the vast majority of adults involved happier than they were before-and it makes women the happiest of all, according to a survey published recently. Women are able to cope with the break-up better than men. Men feel devastated, sad, betrayed and confused while women are likely to feel relieved and liberated. The finding might be correct but I found that it has angered both men and women. Quite a few men felt that the finding showed them as sissies, totally dependent on women for their balance and mental well-being. Women feel that the finding shows them as cruel beings, insincere and dishonest.

Whatever be the truth, the fact is that the finding would have a far-reaching repercussion. The head of a mortgage society commented that these findings provide new insight into a significant national issue. The differences between men and women's emotional experience of divorce are startling." I am not sure whether these findings have any relevance in India where a divorced woman finds life very difficult to cope with. But here the joke about some women becoming millionaires by going through a few divorces seems to have some reflection of the reality.

Another French cut

Q: What do you get when a grenade is thrown into a French kitchen?
A: Linoleum Blownapart.