From self-doubt to confusion, expert explains the number 1 sign you're being manipulated in a relationship

If you constantly feel guilty after every conversation, it could be the number one sign that you're being manipulated.

Manipulation rarely begins with dramatic arguments or obvious control. More often, it appears in everyday conversations, leaving you to question your own thoughts, feelings, and memories. Mel Robins, host, author, and social media content creator, in an Instagram post dated July 21, 2026, shared a conversation with Dr Leanne ten Brike, PhD, and researcher on dark personalities on signs that you're being manipulated and how to identify it early.

She captioned, “Pay attention to who they are when they think no one is watching. When someone is manipulating you, they may show you a carefully curated version of themselves. They’re attentive. Charming. Thoughtful. They seem like the perfect friend, partner, boss, or colleague. But pay attention to how they treat other people. The barista. The Uber driver. The coworker. The restaurant host. If someone is consistently kind to you but consistently cruel to everyone else, that’s important information.”

Change in personality

The number one sign Dr Brike highlights is the change in personality of the person trying to manipulate you. She emphasised that if the person wants something from you, be it your time, money, or value, and they behave differently with you than everyone else, it’s a big red flag. This enables you to see who they actually are.

How to spot?

In the early stages of a relationship, most people naturally put their best foot forward. They are more likely to agree with your opinions, mirror your interests, and make an effort to appear kind and considerate. But if you're trying to identify a potential red flag, don't just focus on how they treat you—pay close attention to how they treat other people.

The expert advises observing their behaviour towards those they perceive to have less power. (Unsplash)

The expert advises observing their behaviour towards those they perceive to have less power, such as drivers, waitstaff, domestic workers, customer service staff, or security guards. If they are dismissive, rude, impatient, or disrespectful to people serving them, it often reflects a deeper personality trait rather than a one-off bad mood.

She highlighted that the broader pattern is bad and is a dark personality pattern, and eventually, you are not going to be an exception anymore and soon you will be a part of it.

Note for the readers: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for personalised guidance.