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Steps to repair a relationship: Therapist explains
From owning the mistakes to being the secure base, here are a few steps to repair a relationship.
A relationship may sometimes require repair. When two people are together for a long time, a conflict is natural. Contrary to how we perceive conflicts, they are actually healthy as they help us in seeing the perspectives of the other person and understand them better. However, post a conflict, repair is mandatory to keep the relationship safe, healthy and smooth. Sometimes, we also may end up hurting the other person. In such cases also, repair is necessary. "Most of us haven’t learned how to repair. But we can all practice repair. And once we learn this skill our relationships change in a big way," read an excerpt of Psychologist Nicole LePera's post as she explained the need of repairing a relationship.
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Nicole further noted down the steps that we should follow in order to repair a relationship:
Own your role: When we are at fault, we should understand the mistakes that we have made and take ownership for the same. We should focus on how the other person felt – this will allow them to understand that we care about them.
Don't defend: This might be tricky and we should practice deep breathing when we feel like defending. We should focus on understanding how the other person felt.
Let them get it out: More than anything, we should learn to be good listeners. When a person is hurt, they need someone to listen to how they felt. We should allow the other person to get their emotions out – this will make them feel relieved and help in resolving the conflict.
Listen to their needs: Ask the other person how they want things to be going forward. Make the changes necessary.
Be the secure base: The time required to heal varies from person to person. We should let them know that we are there for them and we are ready to work on the relationship – they can take as much time they need to heal. We should not try to change how they feel.
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