Malavika’s Mumbaistan: Lost and found
A friend chanced upon a nameless diary at a busy Mumbai junction last week and helpfully posted the contents of its first page on social media to provide clues that could lead to its rightful owner.Updated: Dec 11, 2019 23:00 IST
A friend chanced upon a nameless diary at a busy Mumbai junction last week and helpfully posted the contents of its first page on social media to provide clues that could lead to its rightful owner. And whereas we do not know if they have been located, curiously, four other such items have been similarly found in and around the city recently, and we are carrying notices about them in public interest
1) Capes, top hats, knee high boots
Will the owner of the trendy gent’s LV overnighter found backstage at a film awards function kindly collect it? It does not carry a name, but is stuffed with swatches of materials and pictures torn from fashion magazines, featuring oversized glares, elephant masks and ostrich feathers.
Also found inside was a note containing this hastily scribbled list:
Glitter leopard stole: To get
Elton glares: Getting
(DP to wear??)
Film festival promotion outfit: Ask stylist
Ask DP if OK I wear neon body suit to upcoming Delhi media conclave
(Keep alt ready if she says no)
To collect cricket whites and shoes, from cleaners for movie premiere: ask producer if wearing crotch guard mandatory?!!?
URGENT: Book Perm and order fake mooch for Thursday airport look
IMP: Ask DP if poss to borrow her new Dolce Cape for one evening only
2) Lovely as a Tree
Will the person who has misplaced the single-lined school exercise book please come forward it to claim it? It was found outside Varsha at Malabar Hill, and is without a name or address, but filled with the same sentence: “I promise I will never allow a tree to be cut again” which has been repeated endlessly in a childish scrawl across all of its pages.
Please note: Inside back cover are the words:
I think that I shall never see,
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed.
Against the earth’s sweet flowing breast.
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray.
A tree that may in summer wear,
A nest of robins in her hair.
Upon whose bosom snow has lain,
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.”
Tomorrow’s Homework: To learn Joyce Kilmer’s Trees & Other Poems ASAP.
Will the owner of a battered brown briefcase, located in the back of a domestic airline (not cattle class) kindly contact the poster of this message. It contains a Thesaurus, a book of quotable quotes, a hand mirror, three combs, a pair of tweezers, a musky gentleman’s cologne and a post-it note, on which is written:
Good new Words to tweet/learn:
Floccinaucinihilipilification: Means you regard something as unimportant.
(To save for IIC debate with Sambit P on Friday)
Antidisestablishmentarianism: Opposed to the separation of church and state.
(To be used at next Mumbai society party appearance)
Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism (learn meaning of and save for upcoming TV debate)
4) Mehul Mama visit: book Jap restrt
Will the rightful owner of the sable and chinchilla covered, hand-crafted Gucci folder (a bit worse for wear and in need of mending) that was recovered from behind the seat of a newly purchased, second-hand luxury sedan identify themselves in order for it to be retuned? It contains a list of notations, notes and numbers such as:
3,04,0000000 = Pink emerald cut Belg Antwrp order?
Swiss guys: Urgent cleanup!! Talk to MC
Hoardings announcing launch to be up by?
Which models?? Bolly stars?
When: Delivery of new gld platd Rolls R??
Meet local ‘relationship’ manager at Bank: SUPER PRIORITY
Mehul Mama visit: book Jap restrt - hw mny gsts?
Christmas hols: Gstaad? Motu Tane, Bora Bora? To arrange PJ.