Can you be happy but dissatisfied?

A friend's insight highlights the distinction between fleeting happiness and lasting satisfaction, urging us to embrace both for a fulfilling life.

I was catching up with a friend after a gap of few months and he asked me a couple of seemingly simple questions: ‘How have you been doing? Do you feel happy?’ And then, even before I could answer, he stated: ‘Happiness can be fleeting it comes and goes, it’s satisfaction that counts, doesn’t it?’

Can you be happy but dissatisfied?

His statement stayed with me as a reminder of how we keep falling into the trap of chasing happiness-- flitting and rapidly moving from one goal to another. In the process though we often forget to ask ourselves, ‘Are we satisfied?’

In psychological research, so much time and effort has been spent on the subject of happiness that the idea of someone being satisfied and its contribution to our sense of well-being has not got sufficient attention. Some researchers see satisfaction as part of the happiness paradigm while there are other models that connect satisfaction to other positive states of well-being. Then there are others who explore satisfaction and happiness from a spiritual lens.

To me satisfaction feels like contentment, moments where there is a joy in being fully present versus happiness which I often see as a high arousal feeling state where one feels exalted, a certain rush of energy and a state which really is quite manifest. Satisfaction as a state is very subtle, showing up in quieter ways. One of my favourite exercises is to ask clients to work on list of moments when they felt happy and then moments on those times when they felt satisfied. End of the year is a good time for people to look back and introspect on what they need to do more of, and what needs to change in their life. Over the years I have observed that people find it very difficult to make these two distinct lists as people associate happiness with a goal met, desire fulfilled while satisfaction is experienced as enduring happiness and has components of gratitude, acceptance and grace. Yet, we know that satisfaction is deeply subjective, which makes it hard to study. I remember a 63-year-old client telling me, ‘Buying a house, getting my children married, becoming a grandparent were all happy events, and then there is the feeling of satisfaction of daily life which allows me to enjoy special events more.” He went on to describe satisfaction as the anchor of his ordinary, day-to-day life.

Our feelings of satisfaction can be experienced as being ephemeral and at the same time when any of us are in that state we are aware of it. While happiness can keep us on the hedonic treadmill, satisfaction can remind us about the power of pause and the value in savouring moments of joy. And yet, my sense is that we fear satisfaction because we believe that if we end up experiencing it then it may come in the way of our ambitions. But it’s actually the exact opposite -– the more we can pause and soak the feeling of satisfaction, the experience of feeling fulfilled – the more we can work towards ambitious goals whether they have to do with people or work. So, satisfaction and ambition can co-exist – we just need to allow ourselves the space to envision them as coexisting.

As we step towards a new year, it’s a good idea to reimagine both happiness and satisfaction – a constant adulthood task that may be the secret sauce to our flourishing and building a good life.