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From motivation to guilt: Why we buy books to become better versions of ourselves but never read them, psychologist explains
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Buying self-help books can feel like taking the first step towards change, but here's why we often stop there.
We have all been there: buying a new self-help book with the promise of becoming more disciplined, productive or emotionally aware, only to leave it untouched on the bookshelf. Why does this happen? In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Saikishore, a clinical psychologist at Aster Whitefield Hospital, Bangalore, explains the behaviour behind our growing collection of unread self-help books.
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Why do we keep buying books without opening them?
According to Dr Saikishore, purchasing a self-help book is a move towards change, even before one starts implementing what is written there. The act itself is an assurance of hope that something will happen, that one will gain the power of controlling his life, be more productive and fix his problems or improve his relationship with others. All those acts can be very satisfying and can make it easier for one to delay the actual efforts needed for the transformation to occur.
There is also the discrepancy between who we aspire to be and how we really act. “An individual purchases books on discipline, leadership and mindfulness because he wants to become such a person. But reading the book needs time and effort and involves looking at oneself in a way that is not comfortable,” explained Dr Saikishore.
Procrastination
“For other individuals, purchasing books also turns out to be procrastination. Selecting the most suitable book, ordering it, and creating a reading list can appear as an act of preparation that does not necessarily involve immediate action,” explained Dr Saikishore. Some individuals may find themselves too confused about all the possible options for how to begin the transformation because there are simply too many sources of information. If the expectations are too high, for example, if one expects a single book to change his or her life entirely, then it is too difficult to get started.
How to incorporate reading into your routine?
According to Dr Saikishore, the recommendation would be to rethink one’s approach to self-help books rather than giving up on them. Rather than trying to read a whole book or change one’s life, it is necessary to just read several pages and find something practical to do.
Another factor is the pressure of expectations. When individuals believe that a single book should transform their lives, they may approach self-improvement with an all-or-nothing mindset. The expectation to understand everything, follow every recommendation, and achieve rapid results can make the process feel overwhelming. When there are too many choices or too little time, postponing the task may feel easier than beginning imperfectly.
The solution is not necessarily to stop buying self-help books, but to change the way we engage with them. Instead of aiming to finish an entire book or transform every aspect of life at once, start with a few pages. Identify one idea that feels relevant and translate it into a small, realistic action.
