Stuck in a situationship on Valentine's? Couples' therapist shares 5 key tenets to make your relationships last longer

Being stuck in situationships or getting love bombed on Valentine's day is hardly ideal. Dr Desai shares what sustains love, so you can choose better next time!

In an era where social media coins a new dating term every other week - from “situationships” and “delusionships” to endless debates over red, green and beige flags - modern relationships can begin to feel like a glossary rather than a genuine connection. Amid the noise of viral labels and bite-sized advice, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly sustains a lasting partnership, and to forget that real love is often far less complicated than the internet makes it seem.

Read more to find out ways to keep your relationship real and fulfiling. (Unsplash)

HT Lifestyle reached out to Dr Devanshi Desai, a Mumbai-based counselling psychologist and couples’ therapist with a doctorate from the University of London, to unpack the core factors that help relationships endure. Her insights offer a timely reminder this Valentine’s Day to invest in meaningful growth and emotional depth, rather than getting swept up in the ever-changing buzz of social media trends.

The psychologist highlights, “While there is always something to learn from whatever we read or observe around us, there is more to love than trending buzz words. Some tenets will never be obsolete when it comes to starting a new relationship and sustaining it.” She outlines five core tenets that should be central to your relationships:

1. Clarity is paramount

According to Dr Desai, clarity about who we are and what we want - our individual identities, values and long-term aspirations - is essential in choosing truly compatible partners. She emphasises that at some stage, every new couple should engage in honest conversations around fundamental questions about the future, laying the groundwork for a more secure and enduring relationship.

She highlights the following factors that can affect relationships as they progress: “Do their fundamental ideas about life, values and relationships match? Do both have professional ambitions they would like to pursue actively? Do they want a committed, long-term relationship, marriage and children? How will they manage money as a couple? What are the non-negotiables for them in a relationship? Even if not in the initial dates always, prioritising clarity will help prevent rude shocks later.”

2. Emotional honesty is key

Ambiguity is almost inevitable in undefined relationships - even if Gen Z has coined a term for every shade of it. Yet labels alone cannot resolve uncertainty. What truly matters is recognising these grey areas and navigating them with emotional honesty, clear communication and mutual respect - the real foundations of a lasting relationship.

Dr Desai emphasises, “I am fascinated by the accuracy with which today’s generation defines ambiguity in relationships with terms like ‘breadcrumbing’ and ‘ghosting’. It is good that now we have the language to describe and understand grey areas and the tools to deal with them. Emotional honesty is very important, and surveys now state that Indians navigating the dating pool favour emotional transparency over uncertainty, preferring authenticity and stability over fleeting attention.”

3. Define your needs

Being clear and open about your needs - the kind of connection you’re seeking, the level of commitment you expect, and your emotional wants and boundaries - is essential in any relationship. Honest, direct communication not only prevents misunderstandings but also fosters trust, alignment and a stronger sense of security between partners. Dr Desai highlights that it is equally important to have clarity about your own life goals - whether personal, professional or otherwise - and to ensure they align with your partner’s vision for the future.

The psychologist explains, “Relationships are only a part of life in reality. It is hence important to know who we are beyond or without a relationship. I find it interesting that individuals not just in India but around the world are now staying single longer to prioritise themselves, and seeking commitment and meaningful relationships over casual dating. No matter which gender you belong to, defining your needs is important to stay clear of superficial engagement. If you are looking for reliability, emotional maturity, and long-term compatibility, say so right at the onset.”

4. Mental health conversations are necessary

Vulnerability rarely comes easily, yet in a relationship where emotional safety is present, opening up about your inner world - including your mental health - can feel far more possible. Seeking professional support to address unresolved issues or recurring patterns not only fosters personal growth but also strengthens the relationship.

Dr Desai points out, “‘Vulnerability’, ‘childhood trauma’, ‘emotional triggers’, ‘healing the inner child’ are not just phrases that therapists use but are part of our lived experience as human beings. Mental health conversations were once taboo but in an emotionally safe relationship, it becomes easy to share defining experiences that have shaped us. Seeking couples therapy or professional help for anxiety, repetitive behavioural patterns or lingering trauma is healthy for us and our relationships.”

5. Virtual is not always real

In an era where love has been reduced to swiping left or right on dating apps, it is important to filter out the noise and prioritise genuine connections over superficial ones. The psychologist stresses that whether you are meeting someone in person or connecting online, you must ensure their interest in you is authentic and reciprocated with the same sincerity and intent.

Dr Desai explains, “Every emotional interaction leaves an imprint on us and whether we are meeting someone in person or swiping, messaging, and profile browsing, we are opening a door to let a stranger in. This can come with its share of excitement and risks. I often tell clients to be a little careful when they meet someone new online. You can also tell a lot about a person by the frequency of their communication and digital behaviour. So, look for cues that communicate genuine interest and emotional safety rather than unsafe and irresponsible behaviour.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.