Seriously Cyrus: Trust, as you know, is always susceptible to market risks
Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on love, relationships and more.Updated: Jun 18, 2019 17:01 IST
I am a 25-year-old woman and I’m in a long distance relationship with a 28-year-old guy. Lately, we have had some issues and I don’t really feel the connect anymore. Is it time for a break? – KS
For me breaks work very well in schools, and in cars. Okay in cars we all hope they work very well. However, I’m not a fan of the formal break in relationships. Sameer Mansuri, the Irani businessman, explains the futility of ‘breaks’, in his book, ‘How my wife ran away with my uncle when we took a three month Break from our marriage”. Sameer’s book was devoured in minutes. Partly because of his expert observations, and partly because the book’s title was longer than the actual book, (a world record). KS, a break implies you’ve had enuff. You are trying to feel less guilty about running away, by using the word, ‘break’. Break, implies you’ll be back. But do you really wanna go on? You have issues, you feel disconnected, you’ve written in, so you can make me take on your moral dilemma. Sum all this up and I think it’s time for the heart to heart.
I am a 32-year-old man and I’ve been married for the last 4 years. However, even now, my wife has trust issues and I’ve to prove her all the time. How should I sort this out and make her feel more secure? - AK
We must now embrace an old Mongolian saying. ‘A Horse is worth more than three Fish’. Trust me, it sounds better in Mongolian. What it actually means is, ‘Mis-trust’ is like acne. Once you have acne, it never ever, really goes away. AK, it’s not you so much, it’s her. Always blame the other person, it’s the best way to both resolve conflict, and feel better about yourself. There are three roads open to you. (a) Bribe your way to trust, by buying her something substantial, (b) Profess your love in the written words, telling her how great she is, and (c) Ignore the mistrust, as most of the time it’s just attention seeking drama from her side. Trust, as you know is always susceptible to market risks. The more you make a song and dance about it, the more she’ll feel you have something to hide. Don’t feed the horse or the fish. Play it cool, to rule.
I am a 26-year-old lady and I’ve been dating a senior in office and now things are a bit bitter between us and hence it becomes a little too awkward within the office ambience. I was thinking to quit my job and move on to another firm. But I wanted to know if this was the only option I could resort to? Please help. – GJ
GJ, of course, not. Give me your company details, I’ll talk to H.R., and have him removed. I mean why are you the sacrificial lamb? Just because he’s senior in the company? In fact give me all your complaints, not just restricted to romance. You know tepid chai coffee machine never works. People standing too close to you in the lift. People who rob office stationery. Men who use the lady’s Loo. Of course if you’d rather H.R. and I stayed out of it, you could simply ignore him, and get on with it. Only deal with him formally on the matters pertaining to work. That’s how John and Paul survived their last year in The Beatles. And if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for you. Er, just ‘Let It Be’?
I am a 23-year-old guy and I have been single for the last 2 years and I’ve never felt like having a partner in this span of time. However, now, I’ve been thinking of dating someone but don’t really want to do the same mistake again and fall for a wrong partner. How should I go about it? - SL
SL, I’ve got some not so great news. The Mumbai Metro work will take at least 3 years more. Also this news, there are no good or bad partners, there are only partners. At 23 you can’t be so cynical. It’s not fair that’s our territory. The 40 plus club. We are the cynics. Please mind your age and your manners. At 23 you may not realize it, but all partners are both good and bad, or neither good and bad. (Just trying to cover all the bases in my answer). You can’t go in to this partnership looking for a result. It’s not a game of cricket. Just enjoy the process. And don’t dare talk about negativity till you reach the age of 40. I want you to try out 1 million partners at least. Make a record of each, and tell us your score. Good versus bad. So please stop it, and enjoy partnerships for what they really are. Something to do in between jobs.