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Mere Khayalon Ki Mallika

By now the good readers of HT Brunch are well aware of the fact that The Fake Jhunjhunwala is a very committed aficionado of item numbers. Here's what he has to say about Mallika Sherawat's latest number Laila.

brunch Updated: Mar 29, 2012 18:59 IST
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
The Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times

By now the good readers of HT Brunch are well aware of the fact that Yours Truly is a very committed aficionado of item numbers. My previous examination of the Chikni Chameli song had led me to believe that it is a dangerous trend as it erodes the sanctity of the item song setting. This week my study continues. While not focused directly on the scantily clad female grooving to a fast beat.

Choreographed into a musical fountain with naughty lyrics especially designed to garner the attention span of people thereby leading to a direct increase in publicity and subsequent ticket revenue, this particular article delves into the antics of one purveyor of this art form. You might know her as Mallika Sherawat.

Lately this woman has become like an ad break on television. Keeps popping up from time to time to remind you that it's still there in the market. Ms Sherawat has been busy carving her career in Hollywood(?). So far she has managed to take a lot of pictures with a lot of Hollywood celebrities.

From time to time one sees Mallika on TV and wonders why the hell this woman has lately been appearing in so many item numbers? There was Maiya Maiya from Guru, then Razia, then Shalu Ke Thumke, Jalebi Bai and now Laila! Has this woman become the #1 choice for item numbers or is it just that she enjoys doing the sexy type dance in films so much that she wants to set the Guinness world record for most item numbers ever performed? Mallika is becoming a modern day Helen.

But then why does this Woman dancing in songs as an item girl fascinate me so much? What business have I talking about this? It's not my problem.....right?

Well, apart from the aforementioned interest in the history of item numbers I would like to point out that the length of Mallika's skirt/under half every subsequent song is decreasing. It seems the law of diminishing skirt length is at play. The remaining calculations are up to you.

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

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First Published: Mar 29, 2012 18:52 IST