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The world’s greatest online romantic

The following conversation happened between a guy who goes to the same barber as me & My Great Self very recently, writes Fake Jhunjhunwala.

brunch Updated: Jan 06, 2012 14:35 IST

The following conversation happened between a guy who goes to the same barber as me & My Great Self very recently:

Guy: Hello Sir! Happy New Year! How are you?

Me: Happy New Year, I'm fine dude, Wassup with you?

Guy: Super Sirji! I am in love

Me: Wow! Awesome, Congrats!! So who is she?

Guy: Her name is Aparna and she's a lawyer

Me: Yay! I'm very happy for you.

Guy: Thanks Sir but there is a problem.

Me: Eh! What is it?

Guy: Just a small matter of detail Sir. I don't know if she also loves me.

Me: Have you two spent time together and stuff?

Guy: No Sir, actually she doesn't know me that well but I know her very well.

Me: Oh! So you have a crush on her and she doesn't know about it yet.

Guy: Exactly Sir!

Me: So how did you meet her?

Guy: I met her online Sir. Actually she was a member of this chat forum on films and that's where I saw her profile pic and fell in love with her straight away!

Me: Ah! So this is an internet romance...

Guy: Hehe! Yes Sir, sort of

Me: As soon as I saw her name and profile pic I googled her name Sir and then I found her twitter account so I started following her and from the past two weeks even she is following me so I am really happy!

Me: Accha,

Guy: Yes Sir, then I went to linkedin dot com and searched her business profile. That's how I knew she was a lawyer.

Me: Hmmm, How do you know this girl is not married?

Guy: Sir! I know Sir because I went to and other matrimony sites to see if she has filled out a marriage profile and she has not Sir! Also one time she tweeted to another girl that she has a crush on Christian Bale and when the other girl said that her husband might get angry, she said that she's not married so I can say for sure 100% that she is not married Sirji!!!

Me: Well how do you know she doesn't have a boyfriend?

Guy: Sirji last week only, I sent her friend request on facebook and she accepted and in her relationship status it clearly says that she is single so I know that she definitely has no boyfriend.

Me: Errr....let me ask, maybe she likes girls. Have you considered that?

Guy: No chance only Sir! I went to her MySpace profile from 3 years ago and she does not update it now but over there she has described her sexual orientation as 'STRAIGHT'

Me: What else do you know about her?

Guy: The usual Sir, her likes, dislikes, films and music she likes, etc, etc.

Me: Let me guess, you found all this out from her facebook page?

Guy: Only little Sir. Most I actually got from her orkut profile and her Google plus page.

Me: This is an afterthought but let me ask anyway, have you at least met this girl offline?

Guy: No Sir! But I really really love her Sirji!!!

Me: Oh you clearly have definite....feelings I guess for her

Guy: Yes Sirji! I really love her. By the way, did you hear this story Sir about this man from England who uses the internet to sell drugs?

Me: No yaar, I haven't

Guy: Yes Sir, the internet has become a very dangerous place Sir! All sorts of people are online. You simply can't trust anyone these days.

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

(The views expressed by the author are personal)

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First Published: Jan 05, 2012 16:25 IST