Irrfan Khan with son Babil.
Irrfan Khan with son Babil.

Irrfan Khan’s son Babil says he had suicidal thoughts after actor’s death: ‘I still struggle with it a lot’

  • Irrfan Khan’s son Babil said that he lost his will to live after the actor died last year. He added that his mother Sutapa Sikdar was his pillar of strength at the time.
PUBLISHED ON APR 29, 2021 01:25 PM IST

Babil Khan has talked about struggling with suicidal thoughts after losing his father, actor Irrfan Khan. Irrfan died on April 29 last year after a two-year battle with a neuroendocrine tumour.

In an interview, Babil said that he fell apart two days after Irrfan’s death. He added that he went into ‘deep depression’ and lost the will to live, something that he still struggles with.

“For the first few days, mom was like how is it that he is taking it so well? I was running around, doing everything, making sure everything was fine at home and at the hospital. It was really bad, though. I can’t explain the amount of pain he was going through when he was conscious. I particularly remember when they were going to put a catheter, and asked me to leave the room, and he almost yelled, ‘Babil, tum kahin mat jao mujhe chhod ke!’ They pulled me out of the room and he screamed my name. I never felt that much pain and helplessness. I just stood there outside, hearing him scream my name,” he told a leading daily.

While Babil initially surprised his mother, Sutapa Sikdar, with ‘how well (he) was taking it’, things came to a head two days after Irrfan’s death. “I just crashed. Everything shut off. I went into deep, deep depression. I can’t even explain. There was no will to wake up. I was very suicidal… I was done. I didn’t have any will to live. I still struggle with it a lot. And at that time, Mumma was the strength. She has always been the strength of our family,” he said.

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Babil often shares never-seen-before family photos and memories of Irrfan on Instagram, much to the delight of fans. On Irrfan’s death anniversary, Babil shared one of his handwritten notes and an unseen picture from when he was undergoing chemotherapy.

“Nobody can ever replace him. Nobody will ever be able to. To the greatest best friend, companion, brother, father, I ever had and ever will have. I love you so much, for the rest of this chaos we are choosing to call life. I miss you, more than all that shah-Jahan/mumtaz stuff; I would have built a space monument that could have taken us to the furthest parts of a blackhole singularity you were always intrigued by, but I would have been there with you Baba, and we could have gone together, hand in hand. (Exploring the last mysteries),” a part of Babil’s caption read.

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