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Mother's Day 2022: 4 single moms on how they deal with stress and burnout
Mother's Day 2022: On the occasion of International Mother's Day 2022, we asked 4 single moms how they bust their stress and beat burnout.
Mother's Day 2022: "Being a single mother (or parent) is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride," reads an anonymous quote which quite accurately sums up the struggles and the perks of being a single mother. Like every mother, raising a happy, healthy and loving child is on top of their priority list and mind, but single mothers are often at risk of suffering from burnout due to the stress of not just the daily work, financial responsibilities, taking complex parenting decisions, but also due to the fact that they are doing all this alone, without a break, and the monotony that might set in. (Also read: Mother's Day 2022: 7 special and meaningful activities to treat your mom with the best Mother's Day surprise)
On the occasion of Mother's Day 2022, we asked some of the single moms out there to share their secret formula of busting the stress and beating burnout and it seems 'no mantra', 'no rules', and 'no set patterns' is what they swear by. Some quality time, taking things slow when you can, letting the messy room wait, sipping your coffee are some of the things that work wonders for their mental health.
SLOW MORNING HELPS
"Being a single mom or parent means twice the hard work and lots of stress too. Multitasking can leave you drained. You are likely to reach a burnout faster. Each one has their own method to deal with burnouts. Mine starts with a slow morning with my favourite cup of tea," says Priya, Media Professional.
Being a single parent can be stressful and tiring, but one can also look at it as fun and adventurous, says Ashima Sethi, Proud Mom, dreamer, part-time professional and full-time mom of two.
"Someone recently asked me what is it to be like a single parent. I thought for a while. All sorts of adjectives floated through my mind, from 'tiresome' to 'stressful', and I was not able to pinpoint. Soon another adjective joined in called 'fun/adventure' and I smiled. Yes, that's what I feel every day when I get up - it is pure fun. Doing everything myself everyday definitely stresses me to the utmost limits until I get a bear hug, which my daughter calls 'Jadoo ki Jhappi'," says Ashima.
DON'T FEEL GUILTY
Mothers get a lot of advice from almost everyone around - be it neighbours, family members, or even unknown people. It can get quite stressful when one is managing everything alone and still falls short of society's expectations.
Carishma Vaid, Mother of two teens daughters, advises single moms to stop feeling guilty and bearing burden of other people's expectations. "Believe in yourself. Assure yourself you are doing the best you can in the given situation," she says.
To beat burnout, I always try to keep myself away from stress, not letting negative thinking overpower me and so I make sure to remain optimistic about situations and circumstances with the positive feeling that no matter what I will always overcome difficulties," says Sanjukta, a paralegal.
DEEP BREATHS, POWER NAPS
Priya believes in managing stress with deep breaths, quick power naps and prioritising self. "Each moment of the day goes in patting my back for every little work done. Taking deep breaths between the running around consciously helps a lot. Delaying work also helps me in stalling stress and burnouts. Self talk helps a lot and I sail through the day. A quick power nap also helps me beat extreme stress. Prioritising oneself goes a long way in reducing stress and burnouts. Once you know you have a long innings, you will do everything to reduce your pace and remain at the crease of life," says Priya.
ME TIME
Carishma says it's the 'me time' that does the trick for her. "Sip your coffee or wine. Let the messy room wait. The laundry can wait. Order in or have a sandwich night. Put your feet up gal, you too deserve a break. My house is a pigpen on a Sunday," says the mommie.
Sanjukta says time management helps her to devote some qualitative time for myself along with taking care of her family. "My daughter is a big support system for me, who makes sure that I am always charged up and be happy," she says.
Ashima says moms are made to feel guilty for many things and that adds to their burden. She urges every single mom to believe that there is no mantra, no rules, and no set patterns to follow. "Just remember - the child only understands love whether it's coming from a single parent or both, from grandparents or a maid," she says.
"So, cry if you feel like, howl and get it over with. Ask for help. We are anyways super beings. It's okay to eat out three days a week. It's okay to bunk school. It's okay to wear shabby clothes. But it's NOT OKAY to feel guilty on any of the above," says the proud mom of two.
EXPERT TAKE
Experts agree that single mom have to deal with their unique stresses which could exhaust them and cause burnout but self-care is the key.
"Single mothers often face unique stresses which can lead to feelings of exhaustion. They can tackle burnout by creating a relaxed routine and making time for themselves. It is also crucial to skip feelings of guilt if they are taking some time away from their children," says Dr. Jyoti Kapoor, Senior Psychiatrist and Founder, Manasthali.
"There are a few things single parents can do to help manage their stress and avoid burnout. The most essential is one needs to make time for oneself so that the individual can do something she enjoys such as reading a book or visiting with friends. The other step is one should be kind to oneself. Since you have to juggle both the roles of a mother and father, you might not be perfect in playing those characters. It’s completely fine and give a pat on your back that you’re doing a great job," says Dr Ritu Sethi, Senior Consultant- Gynaecology, Cloud Nine Hospital, Sector 14 Gurgaon.
Dr. Chandni Tugnait, M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director - Gateway of Healing, give tips for single moms to beat everyday burnout.
1. Make time for yourself - Whether you enjoy reading, taking walks, or simply sitting in silence, carving out some "me" time will help you recharge and avoid burnout.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help - Just because you're used to being independent doesn't mean you have to do everything on your own. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to ask your friends and family for help.
3. Make your health a priority - Make sure to schedule regular doctor's appointments, get plenty of rest, and eat healthy foods. And if you're feeling particularly stressed, consider seeing a therapist who can help you manage anxiety in a healthy way.
4. Set boundaries with others - One of the main causes of burnout is taking on too much responsibility. So if you're constantly saying "yes" to things, whether it's work projects, social obligations, or even favours for friends and family members, it might be time to start setting boundaries with others.
5. Take breaks when you need them - Burnout can set in quickly if you don't give yourself the chance to rest and recharge throughout the day. That's why it's crucial not just to make time for yourself each day, but also to take regular breaks from any responsibilities that might be causing stress and anxiety.
6. 5-5-5 Technique – Start every morning with 5 minutes of gratitude, 5 minutes of physical exercise and 5 minutes of reading a book. These 15 minutes assist in starting a day on a positive note instead of panic or stress.
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