Sexual issues at the root of over 15 per cent marital mess cases

Bedroom blues are spelling doom for many marriages in the city, with over 15 per cent of troubled couples seeking help from sexologists or opting for divorce on grounds of sexual incompatibility.

This statistic was revealed at the 25th Conference of Sexology that concluded on Sunday at Worli. However, sexologists warned that problem of lack of sexual awareness is serious.

Only a small percentage of couples having trouble in bed seek help or acknowledge the problem. There is no account of the number of closet cases.

“I get couples who are educated and working with corporates. They are unable to get the equation right when it comes to sex. With some we have to start with the basics of how to go about sex,” said Dr J.K. Nath, a sexologist from Navi Mumbai.

In his 30 years of practice, Nath’s client list has grown. “Knowledge of sex is the foundation for responsible behaviour,” said Nath citing a case where the wife did not respond to the husband’s advances as sex and men were taboo at her maternal home.

Misconceptions regarding sex are also rife. Dr Neelam Rane, a professor at DY Patil Medical College, recently counselled a couple that believed oral sex meant talking about sex and kissing.

“Often women with severe inhibitions about sex are nervous about the act. They get spasms, which make penetration painful. They then fear sex leading to loss of interest and frustration,” said Rane.

Divorce figures from the family court also support this argument. Mrinali Deshmukh, a leading lawyer dealing with matrimonial law, stated that 15 per cent of the divorce cases are on grounds of lack of sexual compatibility. “In such cases either of the partner has a mental or a physical block towards sex,” said Deshmukh.

“We have been advocating the need for a pre-marital counselling. There must be sex education at school or college level,” said Rane.

She also added that in the absence formal or social efforts towards for sex education, people turn to the internet, which often gives incomplete and unhealthy advice.

Dr Eshita Mandal, a psychologist dealing with pre and post-marital counselling, said it is imperative for couples to understand each other’s sexual behaviour and needs.

“In India we spend more time on preparing and planning for the wedding and not for the marriage.”