Replaying and dwelling in negative thoughts and getting into the loop of it refers to ruminating. We are often stuck in this vicious cycle of thinking, replaying, getting back to the trauma and playing the worst-case scenarios. " We all get negative or intrusive thoughts sometimes. But it is your responsibility to determine what you will continue to dwell on. Let this fact bring a sense of empowerment, rather than judgment toward yourself," wrote Therapist Carrie Howard.
Emotionally shutting down in difficult or challenging times is a defense mechanism of the nervous system to protect us from further harm. This develops unconsciously when we carry the burden of trauma from childhood. “Emotionally shutting down during difficult moments is not something you – or other people – choose to do consciously,” wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqui. Here are a few ways to prevent emotional shutdown.
Daydreaming or lack of attention: Dissociation is often misunderstood as a person’s lack of attention. However, it is more complicated than that. In dissociation, a person is not able to come back to his/her surroundings and feels out of control.
In many homes, it is a popular belief that if a child is provided with the necessities such as food, education and a home, they will turn out fine. However, they forget one of the main ingredients of emotional growth – emotional connection and safety. That’s why when these children grow up to be adults, they feel overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. “We subconsciously keep repeating what we are most familiar with (mostly it's linked to our upbringing). Only when we become aware of our learned and subconscious patterns and beliefs, we can break free from them and make healthier and better choices for ourselves (present and future self),” wrote Therapist Caroline Middelsdorf. The expert further noted down a few signs of adult loneliness and how they are connected to childhood trauma.
When we experience stress and anxiety, the nervous system goes into the fight or flight mode as a stress response. This can further make the body feel alert. “This is a state of action and chaos, which is vital for your survival. You naturally move in and out of this system often. But when there are constant stressors, anxiety or past trauma present, this heightened state can impact the function of your nervous system, body and mind,” wrote Therapist Anna Papaioannou. Here are five ways to nourish the nervous system.
Often, we like believing that when we treat things as urgent, we get more done. However, sometimes, the habits we practice to accelerate the process of getting things done can actually come in the way of doing it right. Our daily routine decides the way we behave, live and feel. When we avoid certain negative practices, we can live a healthier life. Therapist Israa Nasir shared a few habits that we must avoid in our daily lives.
Negative cognitive bias: When we start to see ourselves as someone very negative, we also tend to grow a lot of bitterness for the world around us. This further causes distorted thinking patterns.
The dysregulated nervous system gets stuck in the fight or flight or freeze or fawn mode – this further triggers the stress hormones and makes it difficult for children to focus on their studies or engage in relationships outside their family.
Sometimes we may feel that we are running low on self-belief and confidence. This comes from having doubts on our own abilities. Self-doubt can have a significant impact on the way we look at ourselves. "Want to develop more self-belief and confidence in yourself? Here are some tips you may find helpful," wrote Psychologist Sam Frerer.
When a person is emotionally neglected for a prolonged period of time, they develop a sense of silence and refrain from sharing their thoughts, emotions, and feelings with others. Emotionally neglected people are good listeners usually. "Work on changing negative thoughts and core self-beliefs stemming from your past trauma. Replace self-critical thoughts with compassionate and affirming statements about your worth and the value of your experiences," wrote Psychologist Caroline Middelsdorf.
Often, we self-sabotage with behavioural patterns that do not align with ourselves and leave us feeling frustrated and low. "Recognising the signs of self-sabotage (and any behaviour pattern that does not align with you and leaves you feeling stuck) is the first step towards change," wrote Life Coach Anna De Freitas. The Life Coach further shared a few ways by which we can break the pattern.
Often we feel more anxious at night. People who struggle with anxiety have a difficult time dealing with it at night. Excessive worry and the sense of fear creeps into the mind and people have a tough time managing their thoughts. Overthinking makes things worse. But why do we experience more anxiety at night? Psychologist Avi Sanders shared a few reasons.
Sometimes we may feel activated and may need to manage our emotions and responses at the moment. "These practices have helped me move through an activating emotional moment safely. Most of them are ways to regulate a dysregulated nervous system, or a way to tap into the parasympathetic nervous system (which helps us relax). These practices will help you feel safe in your body, so that you don’t react on impulse or from a place of survival, so that you don’t get trapped in fight/flight/freeze. These practices will help you feel more empowered in the face of intense emotions," wrote Therapist Israa Nasir.
Emotional monitoring happens when we go into the hypervigilant mode. "Emotional monitoring is when you’re scanning the emotions of others and trying to determine how to respond based on what you perceive. It's a type of hypervigilance - different from empathy or people-pleasing (but they can coexist)," wrote Therapist Carolyn Rubenstein. Here are a few signs of emotional monitoring to know about.
When we are brought up in dysfunctional families, we grow up and develop chronic shame as a part of our personality. "Childhood experiences that can lead to feelings of shame in adulthood often involve situations where a child feels deeply embarrassed, unaccepted, or invalidated. These experiences can imprint negative beliefs and feelings that persist into adulthood, often requiring therapeutic intervention to resolve. Stay tuned for tips and tricks for coping with shame. One of the most isolating, yet common human experiences," wrote Therapist Andrea Evgeniou. Here are a few developmental causes that contribute to chronic shame.
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, also known as ADHD, refers to the condition where a person experiences hyperactivity or difficulty in focus. In ADHD, a person faces difficulty in getting anything done if they have an activity scheduled at some point in the day – this is referred to as waiting mode. Here's all that you need to know about ADHD and waiting mode.
Being brought up in a home full of tension makes us sacrifice our own emotions and needs and instead prioritise the happiness of others to maintain peace at home.
Psychological flexibility refers to the practice of being open to experiences as they happen to us. "This flexibility enables us to adapt to changing circumstances, make healthy choices, and lead a richer, more fulfilling life. It’s a skill that can be developed and enhanced through practice and reflects a holistic approach to mental health and well-being," wrote Therapist Andrea Evgeniou.
In order to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, we need to initiate certain changes in our behavioural patterns, thought process and our habits. We need to bring a shift in our perspective and our attitude. "First, let go of the need to be understood by everyone. It's more important to understand yourself and know what’s best for you. Second, release the urge to fix others' moods. Instead, learn to be comfortable in your own discomfort, recognising that you are not responsible for everyone’s happiness," wrote therapist Klara Kernig. Here are a few things that we need to let go in order to stop people-pleasing.
Burnout refers to the sense of low productivity and no interest in things that we need to do. This happens with prolonged exposure to the same things on a regular basis with no boundaries or breaks. "Are you agreeing to unrealistic deadlines? Are you allowing chatty colleagues to affect your productivity? Do you let your holiday days go unused? Are you taking on others’ work? If so, it might be time to set some boundaries at work to prevent burnout," wrote Therapist Abby Rawlinson. Here are a few tips.
For personal development and emotional growth, we should learn to embrace change. Change is constant throughout our lives but when we choose what changes we should make, we gain more perspective about ourselves. "By examining change through different lenses, we gain a more holistic perspective that considers all these dimensions. This allows us to address the full range of challenges and opportunities that come with change," wrote Therapist Israa Nasir. Here are four aspects of change that we should learn to embrace.
C-PTSD refers to the condition where a person may experience all the symptoms of PTSD along with additional symptoms such as anger issues and distrust. People with C-PTSD have a harsh inner critic. " Navigating C-PTSD involves confronting various inner critics that can undermine your confidence and disrupt your recovery. Here's how to identify the types of inner critics that commonly appear with C-PTSD," wrote therapist Linda Meredith.
Developmental Trauma Disorder refers to a child's prolonged exposure to trauma in the early years that can have a significant impact on their physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing. "Developmental Trauma Disorder refers to the profound and varied impact of chronic, repetitive trauma experienced during critical developmental stages of childhood. It encompasses emotional, cognitive, and physiological disruptions that significantly affect an individual's life," wrote Therapist Linda Meredith. Here are some of the key indicators of Developmental Trauma Disorder.
We may feel that we are not being able to keep up with the changes in daily lives. Be it work or personal life, we may have the sense of faltering at everything.
C-PTSD is a mental condition where a person experiences the symptoms of PTSD along with additional symptoms such as not being able to trust the people around them and feeling bouts of anger. Any mental disorder can be difficult to navigate. However, journaling and writing down our emotions can help us to sort them out and address them in a healthy way. "Journaling can be a transformative tool in the journey of healing from C-PTSD," wrote Therapist Linda Meredith. Here are a few benefits of journaling.
