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A grey area
Often on the newspaper's second page, it makes it to the front only if it is gruesome. Whenever I read about the killing of a senior citizen in Delhi, it sends a chill down my spine.
Often on the newspaper's second page, it makes it to the front only if it is gruesome. Whenever I read about the killing of a senior citizen in Delhi, it sends a chill down my spine. My 75-year-old father lives mostly alone in Delhi. Moreover, for the 'in between' generation — people like me, in our mid-40s — it is a stark warning of the hard times ahead.
Ever since his retirement, my father has lived in a cooperative housing society in East Delhi. There have been major thefts in two houses down the lane recently. Most of the houses have elderly couples or individuals living there. Children are frequently missing. Economic growth and globalisation have taken them to different places.
The old in urban India are the ones left behind. The traditional joint family system has broken down, especially where the children are professionals. And nothing has come in its place. So old people like my father live alone, depend on services of unreliable domestics and wait for the annual, monthly or weekly visits from their children.
I often contrast my father's life with that of my mother-in-law, who lives alone in a village in Maharashtra. The women of the village gather at doorsteps in the lazy afternoons and chat. A small TV set installed in the living area is a magnet for the children. At night, someone from the extended family sleeps over. This kind of social network is totally lacking in urban areas. Delhi police advises a 'neighbourhood watch' to ward off offenders, but beyond that, nothing breaks the loneliness of the urban aged.
Most of us 'in between' now have old and increasingly ailing parents coping alone. Traditional responsibilities still have their hold on us. We try our best. Friends settled abroad try to call their parents over on a permanent basis. Two months, three, maybe even four and then the parents are often back. The attraction of home being probably the strongest in old age. Telephone and the internet become bridges and virtually house after house in colonies circling Delhi has the old and the aged fending for themselves.
Often we find ourselves discussing the grim prospect of our own old age. We are the 'in-between' generation, rooted in urban India, who are watching their country transform rapidly. We discuss ideas of building social-community homes where family friends can live together in their old age or plan of booking places in old-age homes.
The old social norms and traditional safety nets are crumbling and for us — the soon going to be 'grey' — it implies a very different approach to our future.
