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Spiritual expert says you don’t have to love yourself first. Start by acknowledging your pain
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Spiritual teacher Tara Brach encourages individuals to acknowledge their pain and feelings without judgment.
Self-love can sound difficult when you are already dealing with shame, disappointment or emotional pain. US-based spiritual teacher and psychologist Tara Brach offers a gentler starting point: acknowledge that you are hurting.
In a recent Instagram reel, Tara Brach suggests that you do not need to force yourself to feel love or pretend everything feels fine. Instead, you can begin by recognizing your suffering and simply admitting, “This hurts.” Her approach connects with her broader teachings on mindfulness and self-compassion.
Why saying “this hurts” can matter
When you feel pain, you may quickly try to push it away or criticize yourself for feeling that way. Brach suggests another approach. You can first notice what you are experiencing without judging yourself for it.
Her guidance focuses on recognizing suffering before trying to change it. She describes this awareness as an important step toward responding to yourself with care.
Also Read A spiritual teacher shares a simple mindfulness practice for dealing with negative thoughts
You don't have to force self-love
You may hear plenty of advice telling you to love yourself, but that advice can feel unrealistic when you are struggling. Tara's approach gives you a smaller step. Instead of saying, “I love myself,” you can simply acknowledge, “I am hurting right now.”
That small shift can help you stop fighting the feeling and give yourself permission to experience it.
What does spirituality say about suffering?
Spiritual practices often encourage you to observe your inner experience instead of immediately reacting to it. Brach's teachings place mindfulness and compassion at the centre of this process.
You can start by noticing your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. You do not have to label them as good or bad. You can simply notice what is happening. Tara's own writing recommends recognizing pain and then bringing a gentle, caring response toward yourself.
Also Read A Buddhist monk shares simple mindfulness practices that go beyond meditation
Try this simple self-compassion practice
The next time something hurts, pause before you criticize yourself. Take a breath and name what you feel. You might say, “This is difficult,” or simply, “This hurts.”
Then ask yourself what you need in that moment. You could need rest, space, support or a quiet moment. A similar self-compassion practice from the Self-Compassion Institute uses three steps: recognizing suffering, remembering that suffering forms part of human life and offering yourself kindness.
Let compassion come slowly
You do not have to force yourself to feel positive. You can start by making room for what you already feel.
As Brach's teaching suggests, acknowledging your pain can create space for a kinder response. You can meet yourself where you are instead of demanding that you feel differently first.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only using an expert's interpretation and mindfulness teachings. It does not offer medical or mental health advice.
