Humour by Rehana Munir: A pedestrian’s view of cycling

Cyclists are that superior street breed that equally evoke both admiration and envy in mere pedestrians

“Hot and overcast. I take my gear out of the car and put my bike together. Tourists and locals are watching from sidewalk cafés. Non-racers. The emptiness of those lives shocks me.” So begins Tim Krabbé’s The Rider, the Dutch cycling memoir published in 1978. In 2002, when the world had lost meaning once again—this time in the aftermath of 9/11—it came out in English. Since then, it has become a favourite of erudite cyclists, that street breed that looks at the rest of us with a mixture of loathing and condescension.

A secret language

This quote was, of course, sent to me by an erudite cyclist. (I’d like to source a copy of this book even though I have for years resisted the lure of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values, first published in 1974—also philosophical ramblings set to the tune of wheels.) I often see him cycling down the street as I’m soldiering through my morning walk; he, meanwhile, pedals coolly, philosophically. There are other cyclists I frequently encounter; there’s not one I don’t feel judged by. They all just seem more evolved, more accomplished. Like the cavalry division gliding past the humble infantry, smug on their noble steeds.

And how they love their kit. Neon vests over body-hugging tees. Padded lycra shorts. Aerodynamic helmets worn like sporty halos. Cool bottles hugging the undersides of 27-gear bikes. I hate it all—because it’s so damn cool, yet painfully unsuited to my wheel-averse temperament. And they all seem so happy together, these bands of cyclists speaking a secret language we pedestrians cannot intercept. So I resort, instead, to making fun of biking speeds and hat hair. “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach” wrote Shaw. Wrong. Those who can’t do, point and laugh.

Cape of Good Wheels

Learning how to ride a bike is one of those empowering, liberating childhood experiences that remains unrivalled throughout one’s life. I, for one, took time to kick off my training wheels, becoming the constant butt of jokes among cousins. It took me almost thirty years to face my fear of wheels, cycling up and down the slopes around the Cape of Good Hope, stopping for a picnic lunch here or an African penguin there. I remember a khaki-clad Australian, a fellow sightseer, looking out for me; he was certain I’d be the Indian girl reported missing if he let me out of his sight. The next day, I lay on the bunk bed in my dormitory in thirteen kinds of pain, staring at a picture of Nelson Mandela, dreaming of my own long walk to freedom.

Cycling reminds you of muscles and memories in ways that walking or running never can. It forces you to pay heed to your posture and composure, the repetitive movement of wheels invariably setting difficult thoughts in motion until you reach some kind of resolution.

“Sanju, change the gear!”

Mostly, it gives you bragging rights. Fitness watches started out as keepers of our conscience. They are now those forward short-leg fielders who sledge tail-enders with shameful stats. They have all the data and no mercy. They’ve even made us competitive about our heartbeats. The Tour de France has a rich history of anecdotes weaving in and out between all the cycling feats. For example, alcohol was permitted in the race as a pain-dulling agent till the 1960s, when all stimulants were disallowed. It’s a shame about Lance Armstrong; It’s Not About The Bike was such an inspiring memoir until it turned sour with the doping revelations. But at least we’ll always have JoJeeta Wohi Sikandar; when Model School’s Sanju (Aamir Khan) changes the gear in the final lap, we are all the underdog triumphing over the bully.

Let’s end where we started, like a circular cycling route, with The Rider: “Because after the finish all the suffering turns to memories of pleasure, and the greater the suffering, the greater the pleasure.” To all you philosophical bikers out there: Lighten up!

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From HT Brunch, September 19, 2021

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