Lillete Dubey reveals the reality check her mom-in-law gave her when she was 24

Lillete Dubey has spoken about giving birth to her first child at the age of 24. She will be seen as a maternity coach in short film, Birth.

Lillete Dubey is back in yet another unseen avatar. This time she plays a maternity coach who guides women through pregnancy, childbirth and parenting in the short film Birth. The actor says this is the character she doesn't get to play very often. While talking about the film starring Shreya Dhanwanthary as a pregnant woman, Lillete also shared her own life experiences of becoming a mother at the age of 24 and how one has to find way through motherhood.

Lillete Dubey's short film Birth releases on August 27 on Disney+ Hotstar. 

In an interview with Hindustan Times, Lillete opened up about how like all other new mothers, she too was overwhelmed on welcoming her first child and wanted her to grow very fast. She also made it clear that there is neither a perfect mother, nor a perfect child.

Lillete calls childbirth a watershed moment in a woman's life which changes her life forever. Sharing about welcoming her first child, the actor says, “When I had my first child, my daughter Neha was only 10 days old and I remember my mother-in-law was helping me in those few days. I was a new mother, very overwhelmed, I told her, ‘Oh god, I am waiting for her be a ten-year-old, so that I can get back my life, I will be back on track, I will start a theatre company’. She just laughed and laughed and said, ‘you think becoming a mother has some expiry date! As long as you are alive, you have taken this job for life. You will be worried, concerned, you will always be a mother.’”

The Lady Shri Ram College graduate says she looks into the mirror sometimes and asks herself, “Hello, where is that woman from LSR. She is a mother, daughter, actor.” She claims these personalities are all of this and “its not like we lose being ourselves just because we have other roles”.

Talking about Birth and the illusion of becoming the best mother, Lillete says, “The film explores the great pressure women have that she has to be a good mother, the child has to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. They are human beings with their own strengths and weaknesses. They attempt to do the best they can. What is this that a mother should do everything right? She can also lose her temper, she can also have a bad day. The guilt this gives to women is also explored in the film. All young mothers need to see this film, you can’t become the avatar of a goddess to raise the perfect child. It is such a scary prospect because nobody can. They themselves are overwhelmed because motherhood just sucks everything out of you.”

Opening up about why she accepted the role of Mama Nithya in Birth, Lillete said, “Birth is the character I don’ get to play very often. I love working with new people, I find it very energizing and exiting. Producer Natasha Malpani Oswal is young, the director Shyam Sundar is also young, I like the way he treated the subject. Its also lovely to work with Shreya Dhanwanthary. I love jumping like this – from a short film to a web series to a big film.”

Lillete plays Mama Nithya in Birth, who seems to be based on women who guide and advice others without having any experience of their own. She says India is full of people who love to give unsolicited advice about everything. “Luckily, my mother was a doctor so she was always giving me right medical advice. Rest, you have to figure your way out. Its like marriage where you have to jump from a cliff with a blindfold and hope for the best. You have to find your way after having children.”

The actor is mother to two daughters, Ira and Neha and is now also a grandmother to twin girls. “I had my first child at 24. I didn’t know what was happening, I was so excited. I wanted to have a baby. And suddenly when I had the baby, I was like, ‘Oh my god, now what I do with this child.’ I have to raise her mentally, physically, it gets overwhelming. But after having two children, I can now say the joy outweighs all the worries. Now I have two grandkids, twins who would turn four soon. This is better. I tell my daughter my job is to spoil my grandchildren, its not my job to discipline them. You sit and do all that. I prefer being a grandparent actually,” she says.

Lillete has however, not watched Badhaai Ho which stars Neena Gupta as a middle-aged pregnant woman, looked down upon by her own children and others. She says she hardly watches many films now and would have loved the film if she had watched it. She also joins producer Natasha Malpani Oswal in stressing on how men should also watch Birth. "There is a big pressure on your relationship as well. You expect the husband to participate, take up equal amount of caretaking. Of course, it never happens. You are so distracted and consumed by the baby, it affects other things also," she says.

On being asked about her reaction to the changes in abortion law in the US, the actor says, “It is horrifying and shocking completely. It is the beginning of your liberty as a woman that you decide, your child, your body. It is very ridiculous, the whole world was shocked.”