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My stubborn son

May 18, 2004 05:07 PM IST

I have a tough time handling my three-old-son and he does not want to learn anything from me. How do I make him more receptive to my suggestions? Veena Minocha answers...

This question and answer series will help to clear your inner-soul confusion on all matters that are demanding your spiritual attention. Spiritual teacher and Healer Ms Veena Minocha will endeavour to clear the 'fog within' by answering all questions sent to her atveenaminocha@hotmail.com

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Dear Veenaji, I have a three-year-old son and he has been a very strong willed child since the beginning. It amazes me to see that such a small child can be so rebellious. For example, if I forbid him to do some thing, he must do it, and also, he does the exact opposite of what I tell him to do.

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Often, I have tough time handling him and he does not want to learn anything from me. I also saw that he easily got attached to his grandparents who came to visit us for a few months, to the extent that he even did not want me to come near him or get involved with him. In pre-school though he was very quiet and well behaved.

I want to know what I can do to soften his rebellion and make him more receptive to my suggestions to improve his behaviour. I try to be loving and patient with him most of the times but it is despairing to see him like this.

I would like to mention that when he was born, there was a lot of tension and quarrels between my husband and me. I was under too much stress for about a period of six months. Could this have affected him in some way? Please advise. Thanks.

Name withheld on request

Veena Minocha answers: Dear reader, you are the 'proud' mother of an Indigo child! I have explained the attributes of these new children of the earth, who have come in with a mission, and not with any karmic debts to even the score with anyone. These are the children who are the peacemakers, and whom cannot stand discord around them, especially within their immediate families.

You are right, when there was discord and quarrelling during the first few months of the child's life, he was very upset, even though he could not express it. The vibrations of all inharmonious actions affected him badly, and the only way to remedy that situation now, is to show him, clearly, that you and his father love each other dearly. He has come to expect disturbance in all his dealings with the parents, because he thinks that that is your true behavioural pattern. This is explicitly clear from the fact that, with his grandparents, as well as in pre-school, where there where no such preformed conceptions about the humans he had to deal with, he is remarkably well behaved.

Another thing to remember, that these children, not having any karma to work out, cannot feel the emotion called 'guilt', which we have. So when he is ordered to do something, he has no qualms about doing the opposite, as it does not make him feel guilty at hurting you. The only way to 'control' these children is to be firm with them at every step. Tell them that this is what is expected of you, and whenever possible, give him a choice between two forms of action, which would tell him that you accept him as an equal.

They are very wise ones, in children's bodies, and can understand the concept of respect given and taken, very well. In fact, it would be the wiser course to treat him like you would an adult standing before you. Tell him the pros and cons of every action that you find undesirable, and watch him choose the right path.

There are several books on parenting of Indigo Children. It might help you to read one of them to guide you further!

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