Humour by Rehana Munir: Is it love or is it the pandemic?

Valentine’s Day is a good occasion to examine closeness in the era of distancing. Where do you stand?

“And if you can’t be with the one you love/Honey, love the one you’re with,” sang folk rock musician Stephen Stills in 1970. Over 50 years later, it should officially be declared the love anthem of the pandemic. Who cares whether a couple’s horoscopes match, they root for the same football club or read the same philosophers? Proximity, coupled with safety protocol compatibility, is Covid-Cupid’s double-headed arrow. Gone are the days of silk négligées, expensive colognes and heady aphrodisiacs. These days, we swoon over an N95 mask worn well and sanitiser splashed on with pizzazz as we pre-game with RAT kits. Saucy.

The dance of intimacy and distance

The last two years we’ve been told that everything that’s been good for humans as per traditional wisdom, psychological studies—and Oprah—is suddenly and grievously bad for us. From physical contact to leisure travel, restaurant dining to cultural experiences, all the elements that infuse life with warmth and meaning have turned into a toxic compound. Things are so bad, we’re actually looking back at classroom learning, office routines and airline food nostalgically. What next? A fond remembrance of root canals? Augustan wit Alexander Pope, who would’ve been a prolific meme generator today, rightly said that fools—another word for the lovestruck—rush in where angels fear to tread. And so, even as the virus mutates with all the vigour and versatility of Ranveer Singh in a calendar year, people have been desperately seeking the closest approximation of a soulmate in their hour of isolation.

The results are often comical. That weirdo in the next street you would never give your number to is now the top cat in your menagerie. An ex-lover takes on the qualities of a romantic superhero in a quarantine-addled memory. And dating apps abound in conversations that range from the numbingly vapid to the seriously disturbing.

Cohabitation and Covigilance

For two years now, we’ve been measuring relationships using the space metric—we’re either too close to someone, or too far away from them. All interpersonal laws behave in a more complex manner when applied to romantic relationships. That strange dance of intimacy and distance between partners has become more intense than ever. Cohabitation requires compromise and patience at the best of times; during a pandemic, you need all the inner resources you can muster to get through a single day. One moment you’re holding on to your beloved as the only constant in an uncertain world. The next, you’re fantasising about being home alone, eating flaky croissants in an unmade bed while watching reruns of The Office with no one to clear up for.

Then there’s the danger of misreading pandemic-prompted ennui as deep and indestructible long-distance love. You met someone at a Covigilant party for the fully vaccinated, when the meaning of that term was less nebulous. You connected over something as generic as martinis and mountains. Suddenly, all your elaborate dreams of romantic bliss got submerged by a new wave of the puritanical virus. Now you’re furiously FaceTiming, passionately exchanging Spotify links and sending each other Swiggy goodies with meaningful references.

Lovefools

But there’s no substitute for physical presence, especially in an increasingly virtual world. And love is, as ever, all around. You can see it in the gait of morning walkers, high on caffeine, endorphins and Fitbit stats, the objects of their affection bouncing alongside them. It’s in hands held during a long drive after an extended isolation, masks barely concealing contentment. In doctor’s visits and cough syrup reminders. In surprise visits under balconies, outdoor meetings with awkward greetings and lingering hugs that transmit long-stored affection.

So how has Covid changed love, one might ask? Is it just a matter of altered external circumstances or is there something fundamental about the romantic plot that has undergone a pandemic makeover? “On or about December 1910, human character changed,” wrote Virginia Woolf in a provocative 1910 essay about Modernism. “All human relations have shifted […]” Perhaps 2020 will be considered another watershed moment vis-à-vis human nature. I suspect, though, that lovefools will emerge from all cataclysms with a silly grin on their faces and an out-of-tune melody on their lips. May their tribe increase.

Follow @rehana_munir on Twitter and Instagram

From HT Brunch, February 13, 2022

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