Why is making friends as an adult so hard? Know the 3 ways to build connections

Ever wonder why making friends in school felt easier? Lean what it takes to make new friends in adulthood.

As children, making friends often felt easy. You might share a desk at school, go to tuition together or, later, join the same clubs in college. Spending time together was part of your routine, allowing friendships to grow naturally. But as you enter adulthood, work and other responsibilities can leave little time to meet new people or catch up with old friends. It can feel isolating, especially when you want just someone to talk to.

Why does making friends become harder as an adult, and how can you take the first step towards building new connections?

The transition from school and college to working life can change how you make friends. Earlier, shared classes, tuition sessions, clubs, and sports gave you regular opportunities to spend time with others. Once you start working, however, building new friendships may require more deliberate effort. But why does this happen? What is triggering this change?

An expert simplified it. Devina Kaur – mental health educator, certified NLP coach, explained that school and college offer opportunities to connect over shared interests, while the workplace may not always provide the same opportunities to build friendships.

Why is making friends as an adult more difficult?

Building friendships as an adult requires active effort. Here are some reasons the expert outlined for why it can feel more difficult:

1. Less time for socialising:

• Work schedule, parental responsibilities, or other personal obligations leave you with no time.
• One has to create opportunities to connect, as they are no longer as organically and spontaneously available as back in school and university.
• may mean that you have little time or energy to meet new people. If so, adult life means creating opportunities to connect, rather than school or university, where meetings are often spontaneous.

2. Fear of being turned down

• As people get older, they become more cautious about putting themselves out there.
• Questions such as ‘What if they are not interested?’ or ‘Will I seem too eager?’
• This hesitation can create a cycle where everyone waits for someone else to make the first move.

3. Relationships change during life transitions

• Life changes, such as moving to a new place, changing jobs, getting married, or having a child, can affect friendships. These transitions may cause people to lose touch with existing friends.
• As a result, they may need to build new friendships and support networks.

Build connections via shared interests. (Picture credit: Freepik)

How can adults make friends?

With a few proactive steps, you can take the initiative to make new friends. Meeting new people may seem intimidating, but they may be just as eager to connect and unsure how to begin.

Here are some measures the expert suggested:

1. Commence with common interests:

• Taking part in activities you genuinely enjoy can help you meet like-minded people.
• Exercise classes, book clubs, hobby groups, volunteering, community workshops and professional networking events provide opportunities to connect.
• Shared activities make it easier to start conversations without feeling pressured to form friendships.

2. Be ready to make the first move:

• A simple conversation can be the first step towards a friendship.
• Introduce yourself, ask someone about their hobbies, or invite a colleague for coffee.
• May feel awkward in the beginning, but you become accustomed to it.

3. Be receptive to a variety of friendships:

• Not all friendships are meant to be lasting. Some friends could become vacation buddies, workout partners, or people you like hanging out with, while some might share a common interest in your career.
• There are greater opportunities for deep connection when you are open to many types of friendship.

“We adults, more often than we think, feel isolated or indecisive to meet new friends. Living in the modern world may make it impossible to make casual connections, but you can make honest friendships if you are willing to work at it,” the expert's parting advice highlighted the willingness to initiate and look for connections.