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Reasons why you're not willing to forgive someone: Therapist explains
From losing the upper hand to worrying about making things worse, here are a few reasons why people are not willing to forgive someone.
Forgiveness is a difficult process. When we are hurt by someone and we do not know what to do, we often keep that anger and sadness within us and cut that person off from our lives. But more than often, we fail to convey to the other person how much they have hurt us and check with them their version of the story. Sometimes hurting can happen without the other person intending to do the same. However, with time we stop the communication about it and keep that grudge within ourselves. This makes us feel heavy and we are not able to forgive them and let their thoughts go from our minds. Even though people say that the greatest thing we can ever do is forgive someone, we take time and a whole lot of effort and convincing for ourselves to do the same.
ALSO READ: Do you forgive easily? How it can work wonders for your relationship, health
Family and marriage therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw recently addressed this difficulty in forgiving someone and wrote a few reasons that may act behind the same. She listed down the reasons in her recent Instagram post:
Worry: We often worry that we may make things worse if we bring up old issues again and again. This worry makes us not want to clear things out.
Okay to hurt: Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean opening ourselves up for hurting again. But that’s not how most people think. They think that if they forgive someone, they can hurt them again.
Shameful experiences: bringing up old hurting that can seem shameful for ourselves, often stop us from forgiving others.
Lose upper hand: Not forgiving someone for what they did and keeping on punishing them gives us the feeling of having the upper hand. When we try to forgive, we feel that we may lose the upper hand in the relationship.
Cannot forgive: In the process of trying to forgive, we may learn that we cannot forgive the other person, and that can ruin the relationship further.
Rock the boat: A little connection left in the relationship can be lost with bringing up old stories of being hurt.
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