Forcing someone to always be positive can have the opposite effect: Therapist shares how toxic positivity can ruin relationships

A positive attitude is good, but never turning it off to give space to another person's feelings can do more harm than good in a relationship, shares therapist.

Having a positive attitude is widely considered to be a good thing. However, pushing someone to stay positive even when they might not be feeling that way can effectively ruin relationships, according to Florida-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer.

Taking to Instagram on September 30, Jeffrey pointed out that toxic positivity presents one of the biggest problems in relationships. And by relationships, he clarified that he did not mean only the ones between romantic partners, but the ones that an individual has with their friends and parents as well.

What is toxic positivity?

Positivity becomes toxic when it disconnects individuals from one another. It is what a person experiences when they open up to someone about struggling with something, and the immediate response that they receive is along the lines of: "Just focus on the positive," or "Well, other people have it worse."

“And when that's the response you keep getting, you can start to feel like there's no room for what you're actually experiencing. So, you learn to keep it to yourself,” shared Jeffrey.

“Now, the person being toxically optimistic, if that's even a word, probably means well. They probably want you to feel better. They don't mean for you to suppress your emotions,” he continued. “But regardless of their intentions, that can be the impact.”

How toxic positivity ruins relationships

Jeffrey shared that when an individual starts to suppress their emotions around someone, it can be a very isolating experience. This is because they learn to hide what they are feeling, even when they are around someone that they want to feel close to.

When someone asks the individual, “How are you?", the automated response comes out as “Good.” This is because the person is already aware of how the conversation might go if they respond in a different way.

“Of course, this doesn't happen because of one interaction, but when it happens over and over, you can begin to expect that opening up will leave you feeling dismissed,” shared Jeffrey.

“I think what I'm primarily trying to say is that toxic positivity can become a form of emotional neglect when it repeatedly takes the place of listening and responding to someone's emotional needs. And it's hard to feel connected to someone when you feel like you have to hide your emotions to be around them," added the therapist.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master's in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.