“Shaadi kab karoge?” From marriage jokes to unsolicited advice, how singles deal with relationship pressure at family gatherings

Tired of hearing “Shaadi kab karoge?” Here’s how singles can respond to relatives without making things awkward.

Marriage pressure in India is real, often beginning the moment a person turns 25. From “Now you should get married” to “You are running out of time,” the pressure to tie the knot tends to intensify with every passing year. While everyday life may offer some respite, family gatherings and weddings can become particularly stressful for single young adults, with relatives treating their relationship status as a problem to solve and constantly trying to set them up with someone.

Such banter may seem harmless at first, but when the questions and comments become relentless, they can turn into an unspoken form of pressure, leaving many young adults dreading family functions or choosing to avoid them altogether.

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Ravi Mittal, relationship expert, founder and CEO of QuackQuack, explains how singles can navigate uncomfortable questions about marriage at family gatherings, set healthy boundaries with relatives, and deal with the pressure without compromising their emotional well-being.

According to Mittal, ‘Shadi kab karoge,’ is the most dreaded question for singles in a gathering, and the festive season can bring a surprising load of these stinging jabs. Suddenly, your unfinished business is the most important topic of the evening.

‘Shadi kab karoge,’ is the most dreaded question for singles in a gathering. (Pexel)

“More than 49% of singles between 27 and 35 disclosed avoiding family get-togethers for fear of the same scrutiny,” highlighted Ravi.

While most people laugh it off, the discomfort is hard to hide. After all, it's not just a question about your marriage; it's a subtle reminder that ‘you’ are left behind.

Exhaustion is real

The most common answer from a single person when you ask them how they handle these questions will be to joke it off.

At least 7 in 10 single men revealed this technique usually works to send away the "concerned" uncle and aunties, usually unsatisfied. Humor is one very useful and simple escape route; it allows you to change the subject without coming off too rude, especially when the auditor is an older relative.

A quick laugh and the evening is saved from a heated debate on age, compatibility, choices, and societal expectations. But a laugh, while it shifts the topic from the rapidly shrinking pool of "good rishta," is not enough to mask the exhaustion.

According to Mittal, most of the singles who face these questions are not against the idea of marriage; they genuinely want a partner, but compatibility is more important than settling down at the "right age." And then some are perfectly happy being single, but somehow, their level of contentment without sharing a life with a significant other seems suspicious to others.

Concern or setting a deadline?

Mittal highlighted that there might be a genuine sense of affection and concern behind these questions. But when concern is expressed over a matter repeatedly, it quickly turns into a countdown.

From ‘don't rush’ to ‘you are too late’, the concern starts looking a lot like someone keeping score of all things unachieved. Singles, both men and women, explained that marriage is not just a box to tick. When people set a deadline, they try their best not to let that get to them because rushing when you are not emotionally ready, or haven't found the one, just to appease society does not make for a sustainable relationship.

When concern is expressed over a matter repeatedly, it quickly turns into a countdown. (Pexel)

Do I need to prove anything to anyone?

The best outcome of facing many of these same talks is the final realisation of "I don't need to prove myself to anyone." According to Mittal, singles over 30 have developed a quiet strategy: reveal less. They don't share details of their love lives, even if it's going well. They avoid mentioning breakups; they don't explain taking the time to be emotionally prepared for a long-term commitment or their mindset about marriage. The less information, the less curiosity.

However, around 29% of singles take a more direct approach where they answer honestly and set boundaries early on. “While the approach can burn some bridges, it is far more effective in keeping unsolicited advice away. For these people, ‘When I find the one’ is not a defensive strategy but a full statement,” said Mittal.

Note for the readers: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert for personalised guidance.